Finally, a political novel bold with (seventies-ish) color. A masterpiece, with penetrating insight into the inner workings of the Sarah Palin thinking machine. A veritable triumph and metaphor for a world, no, an America where you can crayon everywhere.
C’mon, you don’t want to create the appearance that you condone or support Sarah Palin by purchasing crap you KNOW will be piled high in the $3 book bin in a few months, do you? Instead, order a classic, collectible Palin book – one that hasn’t even been colored in yet – one that’s not just a buncha words, it’s got pictures!
FIRST UPDATE OF DILDO ARTICLE IN INTERNET HISTORY: Aha! For those who do not read the tags, I told you “Barack Obama is a Dildo.”
UPDATE TWO: Dildo Power! Sarah Palin resigned! Do not underestimate the power of my dildo predicting skills. I’m a dildo Jedi. This is where you saw my dildo brain begin to think something was really wrong with Palin — the dildo. The full court press of my dildo squad did it. I’d like to give a shout out to my dildo posse (that’s posse). It wasn’t Vanity Fair. It was my mutherfucking dildo.
1) Gladstone, a brilliant satirist and humorist from Cracked.com, tells it like it is (from Ali’s perspective) on the whole Letterman/Palin faux debacle. A “debacle” undeserving of a French adjective or, in Palin’s case, a word with more than one syllable — like, “debacle.”
2) Remember kids, this blog is about me. Gladstone is a friend of “Unsuable Signal” and one of the funniest guests we’ve ever had. So, check out the episode where we had callers from Ireland and attempted calls from Australia. Since Australians are well known Commies — not a total loss. I mean, they do control Blog Talk Radio. We also have the beginnings of my radio career where my well timed Tourette’s Syndrome with coprophiliac features came in quite handy.
3) Dennis DiClaudio wrote a piece about myself and Gladstone on Comedy Central’s Indecision. This of course, induced a massive nerdgasm catapulting me into a month-long state of euphobia.
4) Sweet Irony: As you may or may not know, Tommy Christopher landed a gig at Asylum today. Totally Awesome! Even Awesomer? On the front page today I noticed Gladstone’s Hate By Numbers series along with Tommy’s first article. What I’m certain neither of them know, until perhaps now, is they have polar opposite views on Letterman’s “apology.” To sum up Tommy’s position (with a bit of conflation): Dave’s a statutory rapist:
Letterman’s attacks were made in an exponentially larger, broader forum, and included the statutory rape of a minor child. They cannot be taken down or redacted.
Tommy knows my position. It’s complex. Dave’s not a rapist. He’s a Meth addict.
6: Gladstone and Tommy need to hook up. They can give each other cyber-Chlamydia. Or genital warts. Two hysterical STD’s.
Here at Cube, our ethics policy requires honest reporting, unique perspectives, and unfiltered, unbiased prose destined to cut through the gobbledygook of Main Stream Media. Janice Dickinson, model and celebrity in NBC’s, “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here,” had to get out of there. I mean, real bad. The poor lady couldn’t take a dump for seven days straight.
Without pause, the Emmy nominators better loosen that stuffy persona and nominate Ms. Dickinson for best acting while having to take a really huge shit. Half of the show last night focused on Janice’s “distended” belly and a blockage of poo in her colon. A timely close-up of fellow celeb Sanjaya Malakar portrayed his compassion as he tried to massage the cement-like mix of rice and beans through her digestive system. Mrs. Blago, often portrayed as some sort of villain in the media, had nothing but empathy for this brown mound lost somewhere hopefully near the anal cavity of my new-found favorite celebrity (who likes to talk about G.I. issues without remorse).
In a shocking turn of events, despite trying to gut it out, ambulances had to take Ms. Dickinson away after she vomited all over the rainforest in Costa Rica. While she claimed she wasn’t “practicing” her modeling skills, I had the feeling Janice was doing the profession proud.
It was announced she had a viral infection as she was whisked away by an ambulance coupled with a riveting grainy scene of a slow-motion I.V. drip. But, they never told us whether she evacuated.
The show? She came back. And tomorrow night, we are left to decide my hero’s fate. Her stool? Compacted chance outstanding.
I had been lackadaisical in my coverage of Janice’s bodily functions up to this point. I have poop-scooped my non-arch nemesis, Jezebel. In an article entitled, “Janice Dicinson Pisses Where She Sleeps” they (like me) hit us with the cold hard facts:
Janice woke up in the middle of the night, squat beside her bed, and peed in the middle of the group’s camp. Later, she threatened to take a shit on Daniel Baldwin’s pillow.
Finally! A legitimate chance at wedded bliss for kissin’ cousins that are in lovin’:
In a very interesting decision (with implications for same-sex marriage), a Louisiana court has held that the state must recognize a foreign marriage between cousins despite the fact that such a marriage would be null and void in the statem The 1st Circuit Appeals court ruled that there is no strong public policy that would bar such a recognition. The case involved a divorce case where the East Baton Rouge Parish Family Court judge declined jurisdiction.
The unhappy couple were married in Iran. Like most nations, cousins can marry in Iran. Since it is a valid marriage in Iran, the court ruled that it should be treated as valid in Louisiana. For the opinion, click here
Professor Turley goes on to explain how we can draw an inference from the opinion — states will give “full faith and credit” to other states where gay marriage has been deemed legal by the gay state legislatures. The argument goes that if Louisiana recognizes Deliverance Gone Wild type marriage in Iran, then under the Constitution states will could easily have use this as “persuasive authority” to recognize gay marriage laws of other states. Gag.
Do you not see your own fallacious post-hoc logic? Welcome to class sir!
Professor Turley, a brilliant yet empathetic (which is now tantamount to being evil while on Viagra) constitutional law expert at George Washington, would have you believe all states must accept the progressive views of Iran. Oh Prof! Your hamartia is exposed for the world to see.
Just when you were ready to mop up that pool of urine by your leg from laughing at comedy from the right, here comes their hysterical efforts at writing limericks:
Submitted by HenriettaHughes
There once was a man named Obama
Who climbed out the vagine of his Mama
Hawaii or Kenya?
We’ll n’er know cuz Whenya
Ask all about it, there’s drama!
Submitted by Eddie Po’
If Biden was from Nantucket
He’d carry his hair in a bucket
He’d trap in his pail
Each strand that did fail
Instead he got plugs and said ‘what the hay!’
Peggy Says:
June 9, 2009 at 2:37 am | Reply edit
A social conservative and economic liberal is a guy who spends tons of money for decorations, booze and food for a bachelor party but won’t hire a stripper.
Here at Cube, our ethics policy requires honest reporting, unique perspectives, and unfiltered, unbiased prose destined to cut through the gobbledygook of Main 
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