Egats! Bill Maher told Wolf Blitzer America is “stupid.”
Yes. America stumbles about in a drunken stupor. We urinate words on the internets, collectively belch at town hall meetings (which hardly are held in towns or halls), and joust at windmills daily when Quixote himself would turn around and gallop to the nearest Diprivan factory. Sweet Milk Of Amnesia — maybe MJ had it right.
I’ll try not to take such a pessimistic or existentialist view here. Whether low-grade morons can be restored (they can’t) to a functioning level complete with cognitive processes, synapses, dendrites, and the proper firing of neurons is not for me to decide. In any event, the humongo upward spike on the stupidity scale really doesn’t matter. Does it? In fact, it’s probably not even there. Maybe everyone’s all Einstein, all the time, on all matters. However, just in case we’re not all operating on an E=MC2 stratosphere, I think it wise to formulate some kind of plan. A plan to fix the stupid dumb-dumbs. Like me.
We should focus on being productive, honest, and straightforward members of America. Everyone’s doing it! I so desperately want to get on the road to Wellville. As I write, I realize there’s no need to harp on the similarities between proctology and neurology while looking at a culture of the American brain in a petri dish. That would be rude. I will try a softer approach. One not elitist in any way.
The first step to overcoming a problem is admitting to having one — we’re all shit heads. No Amy Weinhouse defenses for this pillar of the blog community. I’m taking this country to “stupid” rehab.
Those who rightly claim to know everything (because they clearly do) can leave the group and go about their smarty-pants lives. Sorts of this variety are too intellectually honest and need read no further.
I only have time for Step One for those willing to press on. Go to your favorite social networking site or gulag and introduce yourself. Here’s an example: “Hello. My name’s Cube. I’m an American. I’m stupid.”
Wow! That was like Zest for my skull innards. You know that shower one takes after a night of debauchery? A particular shower used to cleanse yourself from multiple elixirs and bodily fluids which travelled ungodly distances, got on your suit, and somehow hit the ceiling fan? That shower. It feels so good. Hose yourself down. Admit you are stupid. Come clean.
Only after admitting your problem will you see “facts” are now called “tweets” and keyboards alone are intrinsically capable of springing truth everlasting.
America deserves this vision. Just take that first step with me. Admit to being dim and you will see the light I like to call Salvation.
I offer no apologies. I know I know nothing. But at least I know that.
So, rinse off them beanies and weenies and you too will see clearly! Once you have vision and perspective, you’ll be able to have intelligent conversations with super smart people like Palin supporters, mighty Red Staters, Ditto Heads, and Glen Beck ball suckers.
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