Are you kidding me? Adam Lambert is gay? Did not know that. No clue. Total curveball.
Heathen be gone! While some reporters have just awoken to this Holy Terror upon learning who is in the Final Four, David Knowles, of Paradigms Lost, rightfully questioned whether America (not the real America I know) is ready for a gay American Idol some time ago.
That was the question put to readers in The New York Times’ Sunday Styles section this week. The gay teen idol in question is, of course, Adam Lambert. Pictures of Mr. Lambert—easily the most artistically gifted of all of this season’s performers— “tongue-wrestling” another man have been spread, virus-like, across the internet over the past few weeks. Still, whatever his sexual orientation, Lambert seems poised to run away with this year’s competition.
This has been an interesting year in America, in which we’ve repeatedly been asking questions like: Is America ready for a woman president? Answer: probably. And, are we ready for a black one? Yes, we were. Now, as gay marriage restrictions are falling in seemingly unlikely states like Iowa, we may be witnessing yet another fallen paradigm in the making, though we shouldn’t forget how close Clay Aiken came to winning “Idol.”
That’s right. Don’t forget Clay Aiken. People actually float conspiracy theories about Lambert losing for reasons other than his now obvious, blatant, flamboyant, and total gayness. Despite watching the season’s entire run, as I mentioned earlier, my gaydar must have malfunctioned.
Sweet Jesus! Has America lost its’ mind? I mean, just because he can rock out Led Zeppelin, doesn’t mean gays should be idols. Furthermore, no one ever questions whether he is an Iranian Terrorist in disguise using a mind-control device to take over the country.
And that’s what’s important.
Besides, I’m rooting for the sexy minor.
Update: Completely jinxed it. Gayness is safe for another week, Allison’s out, and America voted for a pedophile just because his wife is dead.