The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist?

adamAre you kidding me?  Adam Lambert is gay?  Did not know that.  No clue.  Total curveball.

God smites me.  I rooted for that blind kid to fall into the orchestra pit after he made it to the final nine on American Idol.  Why me God?

Heathen be gone!  While some reporters have just awoken to this Holy Terror upon learning who is in the Final Four, David Knowles, of Paradigms Lost, rightfully questioned whether America (not the real America I know) is ready for a gay American Idol some time ago.

That was the question put to readers in The New York Times’ Sunday Styles section this week. The gay teen idol in question is, of course, Adam Lambert. Pictures of Mr. Lambert—easily the most artistically gifted of all of this season’s performers— “tongue-wrestling” another man have been spread, virus-like, across the internet over the past few weeks. Still, whatever his sexual orientation, Lambert seems poised to run away with this year’s competition.

This has been an interesting year in America, in which we’ve repeatedly been asking questions like: Is America ready for a woman president? Answer: probably. And, are we ready for a black one? Yes, we were. Now, as gay marriage restrictions are falling in seemingly unlikely states like Iowa, we may be witnessing yet another fallen paradigm in the making, though we shouldn’t forget how close Clay Aiken came to winning “Idol.”

That’s right.  Don’t forget Clay Aiken.   People actually float conspiracy theories about Lambert losing for reasons other than his now obvious, blatant, flamboyant, and total gayness.  Despite watching the season’s entire run, as I mentioned earlier, my gaydar must have malfunctioned.

Sweet Jesus!  Has America lost its’ mind?  I mean, just because he can rock out Led Zeppelin, doesn’t mean gays should be idols.  Furthermore, no one ever questions whether he is an Iranian Terrorist in disguise using a mind-control device to take over the country.

And that’s what’s important.

Besides, I’m rooting for the sexy minor.

Update:  Completely jinxed it.  Gayness is safe for another week, Allison’s out, and America voted for a pedophile just because his wife is dead.

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14 Responses to “The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist?”

  1. The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist? Says:

    […] Original post by Cube […]

  2. PCL Says:

    I thought only us woman had gaydar, Cube?

  3. Twitted by rawls Says:

    […] This post was Twitted by rawls – […]

  4. Chris Says:

    Edited By Cube.

    There’s a first for everything. This is a personal blog, and, if you’d like to post here, don’t be a prick.

    • Cube Says:

      Why thank you! I guess the libraries containing my published works might disagree with you. It is apparent you have a great understanding of all things satire.

      I love hate mail. Please send more.

      Let’s see what your I.P. address is.

      Thank you for commenting.


  5. RyboSlybo Says:

    American Idol… SHIT CUBE!

    Now I’m not sure your not Gay!!



  6. Cube Says:

    I want to pork Allison. Who lost. Perhaps a heterosexual pedophile, but dammit I’m not gay.

    That was wrong on many levels.

    Now, I know she just turned 17, so, I’m thinking I kidnap her and take her to West Virginia.

    Ryan, don’t you think this kid Adam can sing? Click on the link and check it out. It’s my Mom’s fault. She got me to watch it last year when The Beatles catalog was on.

    • PCL Says:

      Okay, Cube, that is just so wrong; however, I was rather disappointed in seeing her go, that girl can sing something fierce.

      And don’t forget to get Mom something nice for Sunday, I mean she did get you hooked on AI.

  7. Cube Says:

    This is where Caleb would make some joke about doing my mother. I can beat him to the punch. She only does anal.

    • PCL Says:

      There’s a joke there, but I just can’t say it.

      You know you’re going to burn in hell for that though, right? As for Caleb, he wants to do everyone’s mother–including his own.

  8. Michelle Says:


    here’s a clue for ya, Chris


    he can say, do…whatever he likes…

  9. A Change Is Gonna Come (UPDATE: Unless You’re A Fag) « Cube Says:

    […] Related Post:  “The American Idol Dude Is Gay?  And From Iran?  And A Terrorist?“ […]

  10. Cube Says:

    I hate being right. Read some of those links. Especially David Knowles. If satire stems from some concoction mixed with truth, I do believe I have the truth part down.

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