Posts Tagged ‘Sarah Palin’

Going Rouge – The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring and Activity Book

October 22, 2009

palinrouge

(Me find this from a link on Indecision about another Sarah Palin book.)

Finally, a political novel bold with (seventies-ish) color.  A masterpiece, with penetrating insight into the inner workings of the Sarah Palin thinking machine.  A veritable triumph and metaphor for a world, no, an America where you can crayon everywhere.

C’mon, you don’t want to create the appearance that you condone or support Sarah Palin by purchasing crap you KNOW will be piled high in the $3 book bin in a few months, do you? Instead, order a classic, collectible Palin book – one that hasn’t even been colored in yet – one that’s not just a buncha words, it’s got pictures!

And, it has neato cut-outs for the little ones…

(more…)

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Checking Into “Stupid” Rehab

August 16, 2009

Egats!  Bill Maher told Wolf Blitzer America is “stupid.”

Like, Duh…

Yes.  America stumbles about in a drunken stupor.  We urinate words on the internets, collectively belch at town hall meetings (which hardly are held in towns or halls), and joust at windmills daily when Quixote himself would turn around and gallop to the nearest Diprivan factory.  Sweet Milk Of Amnesia — maybe MJ had it right.

I’ll try not to take such a pessimistic or existentialist view here.  Whether low-grade morons can be restored (they can’t) to a functioning level complete with cognitive processes, synapses, dendrites, and the proper firing of neurons is not for me to decide.  In any event, the humongo upward spike on the stupidity scale really doesn’t matter.  Does it?  In fact, it’s probably not even there.  Maybe everyone’s all Einstein, all the time, on all matters.  However, just in case we’re not all operating on an E=MC2 stratosphere, I think it wise to formulate some kind of plan.  A plan to fix the stupid dumb-dumbs.  Like me.

We should focus on being productive, honest, and straightforward members of America.  Everyone’s doing it!  I so desperately want to get on the road to Wellville.  As I write, I realize there’s no need to harp on the similarities between proctology and neurology while looking at a culture of the American brain in a petri dish.  That would be rude.  I will try a softer approach.  One not elitist in any way.

The first step to overcoming a problem is admitting to having one — we’re all shit heads.  No Amy Weinhouse defenses for this pillar of the blog community.  I’m taking this country to “stupid” rehab.

Those who rightly claim to know everything (because they clearly do) can leave the group and go about their smarty-pants lives.  Sorts of this variety are too intellectually honest and need read no further.

I only have time for Step One for those willing to press on.  Go to your favorite social networking site or gulag and introduce yourself.  Here’s an example:  “Hello.  My name’s Cube.  I’m an American.  I’m stupid.”

Wow!  That was like Zest for my skull innards.  You know that shower one takes after a night of debauchery?  A particular shower used to cleanse  yourself from multiple elixirs and bodily fluids which travelled ungodly distances, got on your suit, and somehow hit the ceiling fan?  That shower.  It feels so good.  Hose yourself down.  Admit you are stupid.  Come clean.

Only after admitting your problem will you see “facts” are now called “tweets” and keyboards alone are intrinsically capable of springing truth everlasting.

America deserves this vision.   Just take that first step with me.  Admit to being dim and you will see the light I like to call Salvation.

I offer no apologies.  I know I know nothing.  But at least I know that.

So, rinse off them beanies and weenies and you too will see clearly!  Once you have vision and perspective, you’ll be able to have intelligent conversations with super smart people like Palin supporters, mighty Red Staters, Ditto Heads, and Glen Beck ball suckers.

Don’t Be Stupid! Share!

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Paul McCartney Rooftop Concert On Letterman

July 18, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

In a statement released after Paul’s gig atop The Ed Sullivan Theater, Sarah Palin accused The Beatles of being “Commie lovers of the former U.S.S.R.” and  “statutory gang-raping a caribou with a flute.”

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Pat Buchanan: “Until The Thrashing Stops!”

July 15, 2009

Pat’s awesome.  Palin should take her money from the big Meth deal and recent booking on the Morton Downey, Jr. show and use it to  hire Buchanan as Chief of Staff.   He brings too much liberal bias to MSNBC — a noted Separatist blog.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Yes.  This Blog is pro-drowning.

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VIDEO: Hitler Reacts To Sarah Palin’s Resignation

July 8, 2009

Did you know Adolf had that future boom boom boom for Sarah?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Sometimes, when the lighting hits Hitler just right, you only want to cuddle with him.

(Via Comedy Central’s Indecision)

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Lessons From Michael Jackson’s Memorial: R.I.P. Robert McNamara

July 7, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Overshadowed in the wake of Michael Jackson’s memorial service, Sarah Palin’s hyperventilation, The KGB implanting a honing beacon in Barack Obama’s brain making him go all Manchurian on our asses, and the effects of a societal overdose of Fruit and Fiber, is the untimely passing of a true American and author of Sorry I Killed The ZipsRobert McNamara.

Share (and click on Hyperventilation)!

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A Letter From Sarah Palin To Michael Jackson

July 5, 2009

Alaka Seal

July 5, 2009

Dear Michael!

Hi!  How are ya?  As you may have heard, I will be resigning as governor of the great state of Alaska.  I hope we can keep this letter confidential and I trust  you will take this to your grave.

Do you like polar bears?  I do.  I know you had a chimp once.  Bubbles the chimp.  Why did you name the chimp “Bubbles?”  You should have asked me for a good name.  Sorry, let me get back on point.  Polar Bears.

You know the climate in Alaska is important?  And, pipelines?  Sometimes, moose will cross over the pipelines in Alaska.  Todd will take the snow machine and try to run over a moose.  It’s fun.  You have to get up a pretty good amount of speed otherwise, you could die.  The moose’s weight would probably kill you.  Especially you.  I mean, how do you keep off that weight?

Do you ever feel alone?  Do you like the snow?  Alaska is great. Brussell sprouts are good for you.

I know the media constantly attacks you, and, as mayor of Alaska, I can understand.  Which is why I’m stepping down.  Outside of Alaska there are things.  Musical things.  I feel like we should, you know, “cut an album together.”  This will be important since your tour has been canceled for some reason.  We can send the world a message and revitalize both of our careers.

What do you think?  Check “A” if you think it’s a good idea, and check “B” if you do not.  Think it’s a good idea.

A [ ]

B [ ]

Your Thrilla’ In Wasilla,

Sarah Palin

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Open Haiku To Sarah Palin

July 5, 2009

My Argentinian Alaskan Princess,

I Call This “Water.” I hope you like it. Ahem…

Stunning Calls For Night
Loved Ones By Lake Full Of Life…
Multiple Geese Croaked.

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Unusable Signal! Happy Fourth!

July 4, 2009

Come celebrate the fourth appearance by at least one of the Ris brothers. Be afraid! The wild and zany brothers from East St. Louis (or thereabouts) have some surprise in store for you and Dylan is known to carry a switchblade. It’s the greatest tube show in tube show history baby! Comedy Central alumni Dylan and Ethan Ris will be on hand to help me funnel Diprivan and discuss Sarah Palin.

Tonight!  11:00 PM EST  Click here for Milk Of Amnesia.

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Why I Love Hating Letterman’s Apology

June 22, 2009

fox-hypocrisy

WordPress is unable to press the video you must see before reading this.  Kindly click:

HBN: 7 Hypocritical Moments in Fox’s Letterman/Palin Report (VIDEO: OR GET THE CLAP)

How do I love/hate theeLet me count the ways

1)  Gladstone, a brilliant satirist and humorist from Cracked.com, tells it like it is (from Ali’s perspective) on the whole Letterman/Palin faux debacle.  A “debacle” undeserving of a French adjective or, in Palin’s case, a word with more than one syllable — like, “debacle.”

2)  Remember kids, this blog is about me.  Gladstone is a friend of “Unsuable Signal” and one of the funniest guests we’ve ever had.  So, check out the episode where we had callers from Ireland and attempted calls from Australia.  Since Australians are well known Commies — not a total loss.  I mean, they do control Blog Talk Radio.  We also have the beginnings of my radio career where my well timed Tourette’s Syndrome with coprophiliac features came in quite handy.

3)  Dennis DiClaudio wrote a piece about myself and Gladstone on Comedy Central’s Indecision.  This of course, induced a massive nerdgasm catapulting me into a month-long state of euphobia.

4)  Sweet Irony:  As you may or may not know, Tommy Christopher landed a gig at Asylum today.  Totally Awesome!  Even Awesomer?  On the front page today I noticed Gladstone’s Hate By Numbers series along with Tommy’s first article.  What I’m certain neither of them know, until perhaps now, is they have polar opposite views on Letterman’s “apology.”  To sum up Tommy’s position (with a bit of conflation): Dave’s a statutory rapist:

Letterman’s attacks were made in an exponentially larger, broader forum, and included the statutory rape of a minor child.  They cannot be taken down or redacted.

Tommy knows my position.  It’s complex.  Dave’s not a rapist.   He’s a Meth addict.

6:  Gladstone and Tommy need to hook up.  They can give each other cyber-Chlamydia.  Or genital warts.  Two hysterical STD’s.

That’s loving hate by numbers.  And that’s all.