Archive for April, 2009

Israel Refuses To Acknowledge Virulent Traif

April 30, 2009

hebrewnational

What a bunch of schmucks!  While the world mistakenly calls Swine Flu, um… “Swine Flu,” one country stands alone.   One country claws bravely against the tyranny of Main Stream Media’s recreation of the dictionary.  Only Israel is politically correct (and genomically correct) to properly coin this pestilence for what it is:  the Dirty, Stinking, Mexican Flu… [Ed. Amateur Psychological Note:  Probable projection for improper slurs cast upon The Chosen Ones that of course, have long since passed.]

Although swine flu is a relatively common hazard of pig-farming, it is worth noting that, so far, health inspectors have not found infected pigs anywhere in Mexico. So why call it ‘swine flu’? The main reason is that the last strain of flu that genetically resembled this one was found among swine. But it does not have to be called ‘swine flu’. The Israeli deputy health minister, Yakov Litzman, says his country will refuse to call the disease by that name because religious Jews do not eat pork. ‘We will call it Mexico flu’, he said. What Litzman’s comments demonstrate is that the name, and image, we give to a disease is principally influenced by culture rather than science.

“Science?”  Science is so last century.  Or is it?

The reason my brethren from Israel refer to “The Artist Formerly Known As Swine Flue” as “Mexican Flu” is quite obvious: The pursuit for truth.  Not science.

We The People of The Promised Land merely highlight a sad genetic deficiency the Mexican people long have suffered from since the days of  Quetzalcoatl.  It’s true: All first-born, Mexican, males have split hooves.  Ask Moses! This unholy strain of influenza is passed to non-believers.   Plagues of this type do not come from swine.  So “not Kosher” this Swine Flu business is.

BREAKING!  THEY FUCKED THE JEWS AGAIN. And, it was reported by the self-loathing Jewish paper The New York Times. It’s now the H1N1 Virus.  Eat me.  It will always be known to me as the Dirty, Mexican, Flu.  [For the record, I love hitting the nail on the head before this sheep dag of a name change.]

Online Petition To Declare War Against Pigs And Advance The Birther Cause

April 30, 2009
Die Americans

Die Americans

Philip Berg and other Birthers have signed some dumb petition protesting The President’s eliegility.

Mine is better.  Sign up if you want to kill pigs and protest the POTUS with the MOSTUS bogus birth certificate ever.  Oh yeah.   Donate some money to me by just randomly giving me your credit card like that dick Berg does on ObamaCrimes.

See, if we’re going to sign a petition, let’s do it right.  Remove Obama as ineligible through the impeachment process.  Start a precision attack against pigs to thwart an outbreak, I don’t know, THE LIKES OF WHICH NO PLANET IN THE GALAXY HAS EVER SEEN! Attack formation!  Targeting all pigs in the Universe.  Say your prayers ya’ porky sons a’ bitches.

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Liveblog Obama With An Aristocrat!

April 29, 2009
"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

Tonight, to commemorate President Obama’s 100 days in office, I’ll be reading the poetic stylings of Gonzalo Cordova on his Liveblog at Comedy Central’s Indecision.  Big Daddy starts his teleprompted special at 8:00 EST.   I will be naked. UPDATE:  Yeah.  My folks stopped by, so I couldn’t really elucidate my thoughts on fingering Michelle Obama.  Humbly, I apologize.

The show will be on every major channel  but FOX.  They are broadcasting Lie To Me — a show about subliminal messages.  How fucking cool is FOX?

So, you might be looking at the above caption.   Thinking it rude or crass.  Don’t blame Gonzalo for speaking truth to power.   He and his team of scientists had to work plenty hard to decipher President Obams’s body language.  I mean, it’s The First Lady’s vagina.   Gonzalo’s skills will come in handy when Obama meets with Chavez.

This picture is my favorite memory of President Obama’s first 100 days.  What’s yours?

UPDATE PART DEUX!  I’ll be liveblogging here too.  Feel free to write one-liners as Barack does his thang.  I don’t care what your political persuasion is, just make it funny kids.  It reminds me of something…

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All Pigs Must Die! A Call To Arms

April 29, 2009

Run!  Run You Bastard Pigs!  Viva The 2nd Amendment!  (Ed. Note:  I’m working on Rosetta Stone)

Do you really think this is some fly-by-night website?  No.  We have cutting edge plans for Swine Flu.  Or should I say, soon to be very dead Swine Flu.  Bitch.

The 1970’s Public Service Announcement on Swine Flue has proven ineffective:

The Time Is Now!  I Call My Brothers and Sisters To Unite! We must take it upon ourselves to defeat the villainous swine (flu).

Remember:  There’s no good pig, like a dead little pig.  Preferably, the pink and cuddly ones.  Like that douche from Charlotte’s Web.  Someone should placekick that little turd through the uprights at the Old Vet in Philly.  Into a gutter by some puddle of Pat’s cheestake grease.  Undoubtedly, our only course of action is to murder every stinking pig on Earth.  But before that, we should waterboard the traif beasts.  That’ll teach Mr. Swine Flu Smarty Pig.  Did you hear the music in that PSA?  Killing pigs now is our last resort to halt the spread of this dastardly strain of influenza.  I mean, that PSA music.  That’s some scary ass shit.

Death To Pigs!  Death To Pigs!  Death To Pigs!

India Tells Democracy To F*ck Off!

April 28, 2009
Up Yours Voting!

Up Yours Voting!

From my coffetable, I bring you the fruits of my voracious hunger for all things Democracy and a snipet from The Times Of India:

THIS TIME round, show them the middle finger. You may have reason to, as a seasoned voter who’s seen very little change on the ground after the heady speeches, promises, eye candy and campaigning dust fly in your face every five years.
The Election Commission is ensuring your message goes out loud and clear — they are giving your index finger a go-by, and painting your middle finger with indelible ink instead. A Commission official said the change was necessitated by the recently-con
cluded elections to local bodies in some parts of the country. “Since these voters will still have their index fingers marked, we decided to uniformly mark the middle finger of the left hand,” he said.
Not everyone’s amused, though. In many places, politicians
and celebrities smiled and posed for the cameras after casting their vote, but realisation dawned much later. A Pune-based Bollywood celebrity said, “I did not realise it when I posed for the cameras. But when I saw the photo, my pose appeared to be in poor taste.”

I did not realize it when I cut and pasted this quote, but apparently The Times of India said “fuck you” to my font button.

Republicans Whig Out!

April 28, 2009

From The Whig Party: Cineribus Nascitur:

whig-2

Take that Republican Party!  The vestiges of The Whig Party, now that they’ve gotten all techy up in our grill, are predicting (albeit with cheap screen caps) The G.O.P’s demise.  Much like Van Gogh, The Whig Party paints the death of The Republican Party in somber colors — a 1970’sish car careening off a cliff into a fiery pit of Hell.  Or something like that.

Yet, it’s The Republican Party who seems to like hacking off body parts.

Does Arlen Specter’s defection from the Getting Old Party spell doom for our Rabid Republican Rivals?  Will the G.O.P’s recent slide down the scientific polls of Americana cause a rebirth for a party that can not even properly spell a homophone for a hairpiece?  Their primary constituency?  Do you like bizarre allusions to Batman?  Tune in next week.  Same Rat-Time.  Same Rat-Channel.

ratman

60! Gay Rights Activists Up In Arms About Specter’s Reasons For Switching Teams

April 28, 2009

specter

In a stunning blow to gay rights activists, Senator Arlen Specter has been converted and switched teams according to CNNDeveloping…

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter, facing a brutal primary fight for the Republican nomination, announced today that he is switching parties and would run for re-election in 2010 as a Democrat.

“I am unwilling to have my twenty-nine year Senate record judged by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate. I have not represented the Republican Party. I have represented the people of Pennsylvania,” Specter said in a statement. “I am ready, willing and anxious to take on all comers and have my candidacy for re-election determined in a general election.”

Go For It Rock!

AOL’s Political Machine In The Tank For Obama

April 27, 2009

Change You Can Believe In

Change You Can Believe In.

9/11 Truthers Proven True

April 27, 2009

Open your eyes.  Wake up.

Today, on the 98th day of Obama’s presidency, the 9/11 Truthers need your attention.  While the dreaded Main Stream Media would have you believe Air Force One’s passage over the Hudson was some type of faux photo-op, you must free your mind in order to debunk the following myth:

An Air Force One lookalike, the backup plane for the one regularly used by the president, flew low over parts of New York and New Jersey on Monday morning, accompanied by two F-16 fighters, so Air Force photographers could take pictures high above the New York harbor.

But the exercise — conducted without any notification to the public — caused momentary panic in some quarters and led to the evacuation of several buildings in Lower Manhattan and Jersey City. By the afternoon, the situation had turned into a political fuse box, with Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg saying that he was “furious” that he had not been told in advance about the flyover and the White House facing questions about it. In unusually harsh language, the mayor criticized the Defense Department for conducting the exercise and the Federal Aviation Administration for being secretive about it.

Did The New York Times mention “secretive?”  No, no, no, no, no, no.  There’s nothing secretive about this.  Anymore! It’s a mass government conspiracy that was thrwarted and exposed because of brave souls on the internet.  Truthers.  Like me.

Obama Puts Lipstick On A Pig; Causes Anti-Pig Revolution

April 27, 2009

lipstick“What kind of sound does the little piggie make?  That’s right!  Oink!  Oink!  Oink!  Come here you cute little bout of influenza you…”

The swine flu outbreak responsible for as many as 103 deaths in Mexico and at least 20 confirmed cases in the U.S. is “obviously a cause for concern … but it is not a cause for alarm,” President Barack Obama said Tuesday.

Speaking before the National Academy of Sciences, Mr. Obama said he is “closely monitoring” the swine flu situation, getting regular updates from the various public health agencies grappling with the problem – the Centers for Disease Control and the Department of Health and Human Services among them. Mr. Obama said Americans can expect regular updates from these agencies as well.

Once again President Obama cozies on up to the enemy.  The villains.  Treacherous swine.

“Concern?”  No way man.  I’m not falling for it.  Those pigs are bastards.  I say, panic.  And this time, I’ll be ready.

DIE PIGS!  Pig Haters Unite!  Victory!

monster-pig