Shame on you President Obama. A true liberal saves pirates. Sellout!
You see, pirates are a distinct and insular minority — often overcompensating for their feminine side with bravado and parrots. Basically, pirates are pretty much gay.
Ergot, if we have more pirates, the number of gay marriages will go up. The more gay marriages, the more baby gay pirates. And, since Barack kills pirates, gay marriages will go down. Which makes sense since he is in favor of civil unions. Therefore, President Obama once again is a proven bigot, not a liberal, and totally not cool for gay rights.