The Public Execution Of A Twitter Account


You.  Yes you my Twitter Account.  “Rawls” is it?  Or must I agree with your self-imposed emasculation and refer to you as the coy lowercase “rawls?”  Whatever the case may be, I have news for you rawls:  You are going to die.

Take your last breath rawls.


It is the judgment and order of this Honorable Blog that on Sunday morning, April 12th, 2009, at 2:10 AM E.S.T., “rawls,” Twitter Account, is hereby sentenced to death by crucifixion (the “delete” button).

This Blog makes the following findings of fact:  “rawls” [hereinafter referred to as “Rawls” (have some self-respect sir)] the Twitter Account is a potential menace and must be executed under the Bush Doctrine.  It is in fact, a pre-emptive strike, justified by centuries of precedent in blog history.

Rawls, you have the uncanny ability in one hundred and forty bits of data to unravel all the credibility in the world Cube has brought you.  Your pithy drivel is hardly worth taking note of.  However, in the event someone does stumble across you, there is no reason to kick privacy to the curb and bore people with the banalities of your life.  Unwittingly, you volutarily abandon any expectation of privacy you might have left here on the internet.  Gaffes are blown out of proportion and the next thing you know Cube is going to be outed for his Jewish women who are midgets with lisps fetish.

Why risk it?  Omerta was silenced long ago.  Words are twisted and later used as daggers.  Always.  Loose lips sink ships but I have a depth charge for the submarine I know would inevitably torpedoe me.  Everyone.

There’s hardly enough time for the brain to engage the fingertips on a blog let alone this wormhole where life is condensed to one-hundred and forty bits of computer glow.  I  miss the rusty crank of a pencil sharpener affixed to chalkboards from yesteryear.  Blogs can be dealt with.  You can think for a moment before deciding whether what you’ve written is an utter dag in the fabric of the web or that unfound gem that’s like Hemingway.  Or some shit.

Deliberation.  Calculation.  Articulation.  These are all good things Rawls.   You and the rest of your Twitter Account pals are intellectual abominations and insults to writing and formulated thought.*

*Yeah.  Up Yours Rawls.  Prepare to meet thy maker.



17 Responses to “The Public Execution Of A Twitter Account”

  1. G. Xavier Robillard Says:

    Well said sir. But are you at least going to give rawls 140 characters to defend twitself?

  2. absentee Says:

    @rawls #funny, but your ire is too broad. I, @calebhowe, (#follow) would never be like #dkos & let slip the dogs of banality. People differ.

  3. cube1122 Says:


    Rawls’ days are numbered. He needs to petition the blog for a stay. Now we shall see if Rawls can defend his life in less than 140 kernels of data.


    I notice you conforming to the mind control of Twitter. 140 characters. You have become a product of group think. I don’t even get the pound sign, and, I think that’s a good thing.

    Generally, I’m anti-pounding of me.

  4. cube1122 Says:

    I am making internet history with the first ever live crucifixion of a Twitter account. What other blog can claim such a place in history? We can throw stones at Rawls on Unusable Signal and get Mel Gibson to shoot it.

  5. cube1122 Says:

    Let’s see if I can go back in time…

  6. PCL Says:

    All hail Brother Cube!!! Off with Rawl’s (aka ‘Look at me! Look at me!’) head!!

  7. Botts Says:

    Cube Cubenstein,

    Hey bro. Nice spot, looking forward to reading more.

  8. cube1122 Says:

    Eat The Head

  9. cube1122 Says:

    Eh… What’s up Botts?

  10. cube1122 Says:

    @PCL. Why can’t it just be like an old school zine (see that Greg? I used a word I learned from you). I don’t like busy blogs. But, I could have Caleb put a Tux on this thing.

    Yo! If you have topics you want me to hit tomorrow night on Unusable Signal, feel free to suggest a political, legal, or pop culture topic you’d like and I will incorporate into the show. We will be discussing Bachmann, Twitter, Electronic Surveillance under Obama, Tea Bagging, and Rusty Trombones.

    Unusable Signal With Cube: Saturday Night, 11:00 PM EST:

  11. PCL Says:

    Fine Cube, leave it the way it is–blah! It’s your blog, baby–do what you want (lol).

    Bachmann is a definite good topic; Twitter (I don’t get it, wouldn’t want ANYONE knowing where the hell I am and what the hell I’m doing every second of while I’m doing it); don’t like the Feds and their spy games; Tea Bagging (only with scones); Rusty Trombones (haven’t a clue on that one)–oh here’s one: radio show hosts who broadcast in the nude while drunk. LOL!

    I’ll consult Michelle on this matter, we can think of more. Any taboos? Guidelines? Rules?

  12. cube1122 Says:

    No rules. This isn’t Red State. It’s pretty much reasonable totalitarianism.

  13. cube1122 Says:

    PCL: Glad you brought up the wiretap issues. I happen to be a bit more hawkish and will try to provide an honest legal assessment and current status of the law. From what I understand, and agree with for the record, is actions consistent with a “legitimate expectation of privacy.” Apparently, Obama has at least adopted electronic surveillance techniques or has at least expanded them.

    Twitter is a perfect legal example as to how someone voluntarily diminishes their expectation of privacy.

  14. cube1122 Says:

    No one even knows who Rawls is. Sigh. He taught at one of the colleges Barack attended, wrote an entire “Theory of Justice,” and gave one of the best lectures I’ve ever seen.

  15. PCL Says:

    HE HAS???? SHIT!!!!! I have to really start watching what I say now.

    But seriously, I have no problem with them doing their little spy shit, provided they have a really really good reason for it–otherwise, well they could catch some of us (no names) doing really naughty things online. Not me of course. I am a former nun from the Church of What’s Happening Now.

    My understanding of it is that it is aimed at people who communicate a lot with people from countries who have terrorists connections. Fine. But that whole thing with Spitzer, isn’t that how they caught him? What terrorist country was he talking to? You, of course, know more of the legal stuff about that, and I will be interested in hearing your assessment, plus just what the hell my rights are when they coma a knockin–oops never mind, that won’t be me.

    Twitter, I just don’t get it ….

  16. RyboSlybo Says:

    Yeah I don’t know who the dude is. Sounds like he is on the verge of extinction.

    Perhaps you might consider discussing these higher Cigarette Taxes that put my panties in a wad last week…

    Another good topic would be good beers? What are you drinking sir and sh!t like that.

    And then you can get down with the first church of Barrack or whatever you guys are calling it these days. Discuss how he love to boweth before king admindanajid or whatever the shiz dudes name was. Always entertaining anyway.

    Remember the good old days when a root beer float was the tastiest beverage? Things just aren’t the same these days. At least a tasty bong hit is always easy to come by. GROOVY


  17. Chumsbems Says:

    Venapro Hemorrhoids Treatment

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