Posts Tagged ‘Iran’

6 Green Avatars You Need To Destroy Iran

June 20, 2009

twitter_bird_dead

With everyone all up on the twitter tip when it comes to their green tinted avatars, we here at Cube have some items you should totally consider in our revolution to overthrow Iran.  This show of solidarity is far more important than utilizing twitter as some technological means to advance a just cause.  In fact, I loathe the argument that going green for freedom somehow makes the twitterer in question an easier mark for Iranian agents waiting in the bushes to slit your throat and pull your tounge down through your neck and use it as a falafel.  They call that, an “Iranian Necktie.”  Keeping the possibility of your assassination at bay for a moment, because that threat is imminent and real, here are some items for your consideration:

6. Vibratex Koi Vibrator

greendildo

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Gang Green: Twitterers Who Support Iranian Protest With Green Paint Jobs

June 18, 2009

If  you interact with the terrorists in Iran on twitter like I do,  you may “encounter” these pesky demonstrators who support the protest by dying their avatars green in some kind of twisted message of solidarity.   I claim not to be an expert in foreign policy.   That, I am not.  However, when it comes to green pictures from the beak of twitter and creating some fucking list, I rock.

Tommy Christopher

twitprofgreenLou Ferrigno as Incredible HulkDon’t get cocky Christopher.  I have pics of the rest of your body.  Just look at the face folks.  Dead ringer.*

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Match Game D.C.

June 17, 2009

Let’s get right down to the game shall we?  You all know the rules.  I read a question and all you have to do is fill in the blank and match them with the answers from our panel of some dead, some living, game show hosts.   Let’s meet them now…

The original host of Match Game and consummate lover of three-ways with Mark Goodson and Bill Todman:  Say hello to Dead  Mr. Gene Rayburn.    Next, a man sharing one harmonious melody with kung fu:  Dead Mr. Ray Combs.  Our next host is alive and claims he’d pop a cap in your ass if you fuck with him: Say hello or else to Mr. Chuck Barris.  And our last dead game show host, Drew Carey.

Remember, this show has never been known to use sexual innuendo or anything of the sort, so, keep it clean.  Contestants have flipped a coin backstage and it has been decided that Jim will go first.  Jim…

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UPDATE: Obama Rigged Iranian Election

June 14, 2009

obama muslim

UPDATE: Protracted deliberations over the political implications of President Obama’s direct interference in the Iranian elections are finally at an end.  With the use of an “UPDATE” in the forthcoming text of this article, set out to prove (without the use of post hoc logic) the veracity of the above styled headline, fair-minded, sober conclusions can be reached.

Most experts with degrees and vast experience in the highly specialized area of foreign policy  with Iran in the year 2009 tried to trumpet a call to arms after pronouncing, “Obama Hails Rigged Election.”  Despite the in depth analysis of the previously linked article, it had no “UPDATES.”

UPDATE: Hot Air’s Allahpundit, (note to self: probaby a fair arbiter of issues given his/her birth name) wrote a detailed commentary on the Iranian election yesterday and how “Barry” might proceed in Iran.   Not sure if Allahpundit cares for “Barry.”  UPDATE:  SINCE WRITING THE ARTICLE YESTERDAY, ALLAHPUNDIT UPDATED FOUR “UPDATES.”  QUITE POSSIBLY THE HEADLINE WAS UPDATED.  UPDATE:  DEVELOPING…

UPDATE: Take cover!  The Huffington Post is cornering the market on “UPDATES.”  This comes as no surprise from a socialist blog run by some Marxist gal from Alabama, but, have they no shame?  “Iran Updates (VIDEO): Live-Blogging The Uprising.”  UPDATE:  UPDATE YOURSELF BY READING A BLOG ABOUT “UPDATES.”

UPDATE: Fareed Zakaria at CNN will be updating the site with video today from his blasphemous show which has careful judgment and well-rounded thinkers.  UPDATE: No videos updated to the GPS website.

UPDATE:  As I write this article I must reach a conclusion.

UPDATE: President Obama rigged the Iranian election.

UPDATE AND BREAKING: Mary Phillips-Sandy at Comedy Central’s Indecision updated the cyber-zine this morning  with the following update: “Iranian Elections: Your Morning Riot Update

Chaos raged in Iran this weekend as Mir Hossein Moussavi’s supporters continued to protest the results of last week’s election: despite brutal crackdowns by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s police forces, thousands of Iranians have remained on the streets of Tehran, risking their lives to demand fairness and justice.Here’s just one eyewitness account of the turmoil…

Aerial television footage showed people jumping on a police car, rocking vehicles attempting to pass through the crowd, setting small trees on fire and throwing fireworks and flares set up by police.

UPDATE: More violence erupted in the far west region of La where magic spells could not make the rioting disappear.

UPDATE, BUT BROKEN EARLIER: Fareed Zakaria updated his website with updated videos from yesterday (which were the same ones aired yesterday but not updated on the GPS website).  Details next Sunday.

UPDATE: Republicans join Klingons in assault on President Obama’s handling of the Iranian Elections.

Republicans, who never met a problem they didn’t want to solve by opening a can of Blood Wine with a bat lethe and grunting out some threatening-sounding gibberish.  That might [will] get you points at Klingon Fight Club …

DOWNDATE: See previous “updates” where I had already updated this type of occurrence yesterday (“Obama Hails Rigged Election“).  Duh.  We already know actually Obama rigged the election.  Himself.   Personally.

EXCLUSIVE: Obviously, Klingons are involved and must help Republicans.    Unfortunately for the rest of the blogosphere, they do not have the Futurific Iranian Conflation Gizmo I do.

Louisiana Court Recognizes Marriage Of Cousins: Gays and Goats To Follow?

June 9, 2009

Finally!  A legitimate chance at wedded bliss for kissin’ cousins that are in lovin’:

In a very interesting decision (with implications for same-sex marriage), a Louisiana court has held that the state must recognize a foreign marriage between cousins despite the fact that such a marriage would be null and void in the statem The 1st Circuit Appeals court ruled that there is no strong public policy that would bar such a recognition. The case involved a divorce case where the East Baton Rouge Parish Family Court judge declined jurisdiction.

The unhappy couple were married in Iran. Like most nations, cousins can marry in Iran. Since it is a valid marriage in Iran, the court ruled that it should be treated as valid in Louisiana. For the opinion, click here

Professor Turley goes on to explain how we can draw an inference from the opinion — states will give “full faith and credit” to other states where gay marriage has been deemed legal by the gay state legislatures.   The argument goes that if Louisiana recognizes Deliverance Gone Wild type marriage in Iran, then under the Constitution states will could easily have use this as “persuasive authority” to recognize gay marriage laws of other states.  Gag.

Do you not see your own fallacious post-hoc logic?  Welcome to class sir!

Professor Turley, a brilliant yet empathetic (which is now tantamount to being evil while on Viagra) constitutional law expert at George Washington, would have you believe all states must accept the progressive views of Iran.  Oh Prof!  Your hamartia is exposed for the world to see.

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The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist?

May 6, 2009

adamAre you kidding me?  Adam Lambert is gay?  Did not know that.  No clue.  Total curveball.

God smites me.  I rooted for that blind kid to fall into the orchestra pit after he made it to the final nine on American Idol.  Why me God?

Heathen be gone!  While some reporters have just awoken to this Holy Terror upon learning who is in the Final Four, David Knowles, of Paradigms Lost, rightfully questioned whether America (not the real America I know) is ready for a gay American Idol some time ago.

That was the question put to readers in The New York Times’ Sunday Styles section this week. The gay teen idol in question is, of course, Adam Lambert. Pictures of Mr. Lambert—easily the most artistically gifted of all of this season’s performers— “tongue-wrestling” another man have been spread, virus-like, across the internet over the past few weeks. Still, whatever his sexual orientation, Lambert seems poised to run away with this year’s competition.

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