Liveblog Obama With An Aristocrat!

"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

Tonight, to commemorate President Obama’s 100 days in office, I’ll be reading the poetic stylings of Gonzalo Cordova on his Liveblog at Comedy Central’s Indecision.  Big Daddy starts his teleprompted special at 8:00 EST.   I will be naked. UPDATE:  Yeah.  My folks stopped by, so I couldn’t really elucidate my thoughts on fingering Michelle Obama.  Humbly, I apologize.

The show will be on every major channel  but FOX.  They are broadcasting Lie To Me — a show about subliminal messages.  How fucking cool is FOX?

So, you might be looking at the above caption.   Thinking it rude or crass.  Don’t blame Gonzalo for speaking truth to power.   He and his team of scientists had to work plenty hard to decipher President Obams’s body language.  I mean, it’s The First Lady’s vagina.   Gonzalo’s skills will come in handy when Obama meets with Chavez.

This picture is my favorite memory of President Obama’s first 100 days.  What’s yours?

UPDATE PART DEUX!  I’ll be liveblogging here too.  Feel free to write one-liners as Barack does his thang.  I don’t care what your political persuasion is, just make it funny kids.  It reminds me of something…

7:56: Reports from White House insider claim Bo the dog will be on stage and making love to a unicorn under a rainbow.

7:58: Watching Chris Matthews on MSNC.  “Something connected” with the people.  Maybe it was jizz in my eye.  Crap.  Olbermann.  I thought he moved to FOX.

8:00: Obama enters.  Pig Flu!!!  I recommend the children be forced to live with pigs.  Barack is far too kind to children.  And pigs.  Cover your penis with a condom if you fuck a pig.  And, cover your mouth when you cough.

8:05: Barack’s not satisfied.  He will only be satisfied when he controls the universe with the mind control device you are reading right now.  Obey!  Consume!  Multiply!  Barack!

8:06: The President intends to cut programs.  One of them is the Grand Ol’ Party.

8:08: “Now’s not the time to panic?”  No way.  PANIC!  All Pigs Must Die!  Use bacon substitutes for Christ’s sake.  What are you?  Un-American?

8:10: PCL made it over to CC.  She stole my lines dammit!  Impeach PCL!  (From Tommy’s fan club)

8:14: “GM has a lot of good product.”  Yeah.  Like The Presidential Blow.

8:20: Obama on “torture” to sum up:  “I’m a pussy.”

8:22: Yes.  The “ticking clock” question.  His answer… doesn’t answer the core question to the question that was being asked in the form of a question by a guy who gets paid to ask questions.  Obama is one sly dog.  Albeit, a Muslim Dog in bed with the enemy.  Mistake or mass death march on humanity in the form of torture?  I think he ducked the question.  Like the dude who got shot in the face by Cheney should have done.

8:26 “Spectacular Bombings In Iraq?”  They were right.  Obama’s a bomb lovin’ terrorist.  I’m getting a PUMA card.  And a Birther card.  And a Muslim card.  Off with Bo The Dog’s Head!

8:28: Can you believe there is a reporter named “Chip” in 2009?  What a dork.  “Chip.”  Dude.  Change your name.  Are you kidding me?  “Chip?”  And, to top it off, a guy named “Chip” has street cred because Barack called on him.   You suck Barack.  But I love you.

8:30: “I don’t believe in crystal balls.”  Nor does Obama believe in the rights of men to allow their balls to consummate a marriage.
8:35: Abortion.  Yawn.  Dead babies rock.
8:37: You know why Barack is soft?  If he was a real President, he would have gone on at Nine opposite Lost and American Idol.
8:39: We have “problems?”  Nuh-uh.  This is the Land of Barack.  I for one am trouble free.  This honesty thing is a total fucking lie.
8:40: “Enchanted.”  It’s a word that starts with “E” big brains.

8:42: See!  The Republicans say I don’t know how to make fun of Barack.  I do.  It’s just more fun to make fun of the folks who like porking barnyard animals.

8:44: Everyone knows Carl Levin doesn’t count right?  He’s from Michigan.  Therefore, he must have had something to do with hiring Jeff Daniels to be the state’s spokesperson.  What an asshole.
8:48: Can you believe the nerve of this guy?  “He does too much.”  Sir.  We’re used to Crawford and nothing.  Chill out beatch!

8:52: “Level the playing field.”  Translation:  Destroy the G.O.P.
8:53: The “State Secret Privilege.”  Obama states it’s too broad.  Except, he argued in court recently to expand it.   This makes sense to me.
8:54: Jonathan Weismann, you were given the last word.  That’s singular.  “Word.”  Douche.
8:57: Translation to Jonathan re: “Obama Running Auto Companies.”  “Eat shit and die John.  Why don’t you do it bitch?  I have a country to run.  Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to realign your wife’s transmission.  Ever hear of a Kenya Super Snake?”
8:59: “Good night.  Shut up.  I have a lot on my plate.  Walk a mile in my Kenyan sandals.”
Time to watch Idol.  And then Lost.  What did you think?  Leave your comments.  I thought he was excellent if you really read between the lines.  I like him getting tough at the end.  The “State Secrets Doctrine” was interesting in light of inconsistencies.
9:02: Again, if Obama had stones, he’d have gone against American Idol.  Go Allison!  You hot little minor you!

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101 Responses to “Liveblog Obama With An Aristocrat!”

  1. PCL Says:

    Oh I am so fucking jealous now!! Oh, and love the tags.

    • Cube Says:

      What are you jealous of PCL? Barack getting some? Aha! Finally someone notices the tags.

      If you’ve never liveblogged. Here’s how to do it:

      Get drunk or have a substance of choice nearby.

      Comment (usually a one-liner) that is funny as you watch.

      Make fun of everything imaginable. Clothing, mistakes, hardly any substance. The goal is really to make fun of Obama here. With some serious stuff on occasion.

      I love liveblogging because you shoot from the hip and for some reason, I think my shit comes out better when I don’t think. The real deal will be on Indy, but, this it’s easier here because of the constant interaction with everyone. Trust me, it’s fun. I hope you guys try. I’ll be updating in the article.

      EG. 8:00: Barack approaches the lectern, looks into the camera, and controls the minds of the socialized colony he is building.

      Hope you guys try here or there! It’s fun. As far as liveblogging goes. The comment award should come out of here. Dig?

  2. RyboSlybo Says:

    I will not be tuning into the shenanigans tonight. You know I am sick of the worship fest, you would think it is inauguration day all over again with the media in masterbation mode over the anticipation of our pres’s speach. Well 100 days, big deal, call me when the recession is over.

    My faviorite memory of our Pres you say?

    Probably the Town hall meeting when he was answering questions from internet folks and the number 1 question was about marijuana and the positive effects legalization could have on the economy. Obama says “No I don’t think this is the answer and I don’t know what this says about our online community” or some shit like that….

    Or perhaps it is the higher cigarette taxes… yeah that really made my year…

    The only change I have seen is the spending is a bit faster and pushed through a little bit quicker than previous administrations…

    The more I think about it the more I think they were all in leagues together… from Bush Sr. “read my lips” to Clinton “the man whore”, To GWB the “axis of evil” to Barry Obama “the hope and change my ass guy”…

    FuCkInG BoNg!

    • Cube Says:

      Ryan! Have I ever steered you wrong? Did you not look at the joke Gonzalo did in the caption up top? This guys hysterical. This blog is anything but serious. I write a comedy blog. They do a real comedy blog and take on all comers. They’ve already heard every bong joke in the world, but, perhaps you can take it.

      It’s not serious commentary. You just write one-liners (it’s actually great practice for writing) that are funny. Shoot from the hip.

      I’ll be liveblogging here too.

      • RyboSlybo Says:

        No Cube, You are the man!

        The bottom line is I have band practice tonight…

        Rock and Roll is higher on my list of priorities.

        But you guys have fun, I will be back in action tomorrow.

        Peace and your going to need plenty of Bong Hits tonight my friend!

  3. Cube Says:

    PCL Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 7:21 pm edit

    LMAO! Yeah right! So how is it different from the chat room on US?

    It’s entirely different. Watch here. I don’t post in the comments. Check out Indy too. A ton of blogs do this. Indy is hysterical. I’d suggest opening up both windows. Ask Diana. She saw the liveblog I did of Glen Beck. You write as you go along.

    T minus 8 minutes. Ok… I gotta the flux capicitor going.

  4. Michelle Says:


    remind me to explain to you about that ciggy tax…

  5. PCL Says:

    Cube, I did not steal your lines–they are different, slightly yes, but different nonetheless.

  6. PCL Says:

    Great, I just heard that Swine Flu is here in the Bay Area, and in my county no less. Shit!

  7. Cube Says:

    PCL, I give you credit. You are the only one who actually learned what a liveblog is I believe. That is, except for the part where you start talking about emailing some dude on the blog!

    Michelle did a great job covering the speech. She asked Ryan about the ciggy tax!

    Oh sigh….

    I still love you guys.

    • PCL Says:

      I didn’t know that remark to Michelle was on ‘your’ live blog. I’m soooo confuuuseed. Indy’s live blog was cool though. I even gave a ‘shout out’ to the PUMAs via Crystal. Heh heh heh!

      • Michelle Says:

        I didn’t either….lol

        If I’d figured that out, I woulda put on my best basic black…lol

    • Michelle Says:

      Sorry, Cube…

      was on the phone with my daughter for awhile…she just announced to me, she is getting married in August..

  8. Cube Says:


    So, uh… Yeah, I’ll use a cheap trick and explicitly try to bait you to comment on the press conference.

    I particularly liked it when Barack started breakdancing.

  9. Michelle Says:

    What do you guys think of the way, Obama answered the question, that asked for 4 different answers


    I think he did good, I like that he thinks about his answers first…

    This guy is what we needed, at this time…could you imagine McCain??? McAngrrrrrryyyyy???


    • PCL Says:

      Congrats Michelle!!

      I thought he did really good, and I too like that he is ‘measured’ in his words.

      • Michelle Says:

        Thanks, PCL…

        sort of a surprise, coming from the girl that said, NEVER!


        first question I asked, is it because of an utoh…she said nope…

        she said its because they both found their soulmate…

        shocked, but she is happy…so, that is that.

      • PCL Says:

        Awwww. You know, that would be my first question too–we are soooo bad. I’m very happy for you. Big wedding? Cake???? You know how I love cake. LOL

      • Michelle Says:

        Very small, but yes cake, VEGAN cake…

        so, must find a bakery that can do a good cake…

        she has a great recipe…but I dont think she would want to bake her own wedding cake…lol

        she doesn’t want a big affair…snif, snif…but..tis her day…

  10. Michelle Says:

    Acutally, Cube

    I was commenting about Rybo’s ire towards the ciggy tax…Im wondering if he fully understands, the who’s what’s why’s and when of the whole thing..

  11. Cube Says:

    PCL, mamasita, I’m just busting chops. This isn’t a hard news place. The point is to get people laughing. Hence, the fingering Michelle joke I had to paste. Not the blogger! Yikes. Well no, the blogger. Noooo…. Just kidding. The First Lady. I have respect.

    Michelle, “Enchanted.” — Well, you saw what I wrote during the blog, but now I can’t stop thinking of that Disney flick or whatever and I’m pretty sure the dude who asked that needs a blow job.

    • PCL Says:

      Cube, sarcasm, remember?? Bust away–isn’t that what we’re all here for. LOL! If we want serious, we go to PD.

      Now quit throwing the dirt on yourself from the hole you have already dug.

    • Michelle Says:


      yep, even the Prez had to make a cheeky about “enchanted” but I think he pulled it off well…even though enchanted by our military is sorta, “flaky”, it wasn’t his word after all….but I did get what he means about how one feels towards our boys and gals in uni…

      and Cube….hands to yourself!!

      (evil grin)

  12. Cube Says:

    You know what’s pretty cool? It’s hard to offend you guys.

    Like, I talked about:

    The First Lady’s Vagina.

    Fucking Pigs.

    Obama being too nice to children.

    Beheading Bo the dog.

    What a crowd. What a crowd.

    Oh yeah! I talked about Obama porking some reporters wife with his “Kenya Super Snake.”

    I think I do better writing sometimes when I don’t think. Or worse. Which is cool. Thanks.

  13. Michelle Says:


  14. Michelle Says:

    are you TRYING to offend us?


    it is YOUR blog you know….you call the shots…its your world, we are but twinkling lites in your sky…


  15. Michelle Says:

    Me and PCL

    we have been desensitized by Trolls…

    we are like the Manchurin bloggers….

    don’t know when we’ll kick in….but when you say the magic word

    its ownnnnnnnnn

    • PCL Says:

      Ain’t that the truth? Speaking of trolls, ALL CAPS told me to stop following him and that I am in love with him. LMAO!! I asked him, who told? LOL! Love the little Trolls–they are all like drunkin cats on catnip now.

    • Cube Says:

      This is safe place. Cube take care of you. Don’t leave PD! That’s where I whore out. How hot am I over there? With my sexy legs and shit. Pumping my blog at no expense. You guys should plug it. (heh heh) I said plug.

      Don’t you think Barack got fired up at the end with the GM guy. I would have liked some kung fu.

  16. Cube Says:

    No, it’s that some retards don’t get satire are sarcasm. You guys do! And realize, I mean no offense, except to inbred PUMAS and REpublicans who don’t get it. I also set out to show it’s not hard to make jokes about Barack. It’s just more fun to fuck with them.

  17. Michelle Says:

    it helps, when you actually use the brain that has been given to you…

    those people just don’t….

    wasted gray matter…

    but dangerous…highly volitile…lol

    I make jokes about EVERYTHING…lol, if you can’t laugh about it, then why the fuck go on?

  18. Michelle Says:



  19. Michelle Says:


  20. Cube Says:

    You know what? It’s time to give out the award. I think I may have to give it to me. Let me look and see if anyone bested my liveblog comments. Hmmmm….

    • PCL Says:

      Go ahead Cube, give it to yourself–and we’ll give that award a new name. Heh heh heh!

      • Cube Says:

        Nahh… I’ll just wait until it hits me. My favorite is at i8:20 PM Above. I give myself a pat on the back. I also like the abortion joke.

  21. Cube Says:

    Whoops. PCL just won I think.

    Update: No context. I can’t in good conscience. I have to wait for the good ones. I’ve been doling them out willy nilly.

    They need to relate to the post and make me laugh.


    I’ll wait.

  22. Michelle Says:

    you should have a sound wave of that on here, PCL…lol

  23. Cube Says:

    I was going to do the “retarded” one, but, it doesn’t relate to the speech. The comment award always has to be topical. You guys aren’t total retards. I am. That’s how to win.

  24. Michelle Says:


    and ANOTHER zingger that relates!!

    you owe her TWO awards now sucka….

    pay up…


  25. Michelle Says:

    Thats THREE

  26. Michelle Says:

    PCL…I think you caused meltdown…


  27. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    oh I finally found everyone and now it’s already over.
    I missed the dance.

  28. PCL Says:

    Check out the size of this Kenyan Super Snake (ouch):

  29. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    thinking is a rule?
    toooooooooooo many rules for me!


  30. Michelle Says:


    thanks for the info in the email…

    it worked!


    • PCL Says:

      Yay!!! But really, unclick that ‘notify me when somone responds to my comment’ button–or you will be receiving all sorts of emails. Drove me crazy today!

  31. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    why aren’t they killing things that big.
    we do over here.

  32. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    hey, I’m not getting united kingdom AOL anymore.
    my cyberspace is back in the right country.

  33. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    and michelle knows this is true—
    there’s a chili cook off somewhere over by college station,
    and I ate rattlesnake chili there.
    taste like hamburger, sort of.

  34. Michelle Says:

    yep, Louie….

    but it is just like chewing rubber…

    I’ll stick to things with fur, legs or fins…

    but no belly sliders…or gator…nope…

    • Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

      oh no——— you’ve got tot try jacqu-imo’s alligator -crawfish/shrimp – sundried tomato cheesecake.
      alligator is like garfish, you have to know how to cook it for it to be edible.

      • PCL Says:

        I’m pretty good at trying other things but some of that, Louis, I don’t know……

      • Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

        oh yeah——– the garfish sandwich from steven’s and the alligator cheesecake appetiser from Jacque-imo’s!

        oooooooooooooohhhh yeah! yuuuuuummmmmm.
        omigod/mon dieu
        just thinking about them is making me have one of my melt downs when I think about how much I love money.

      • PCL Says:

        Oui, Louis, amour argent.

  35. Michelle Says:

    the rodeo here, now thats where you can get some kick ass chili…

    • PCL Says:

      I love chili cook-offs. I love to sample all that chili–but not a fan of the really hot stuff, it takes away from the flavor.

  36. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    the prison rodeo?

  37. Michelle Says:


    Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo…

    comeown, you know bout dat…

  38. Michelle Says:

    beef, pork, chicken, shrimp, mahimahi, flounder….

    thats about it for me…

  39. Michelle Says:

    GoodNite all….

    time to sleep.

  40. Cube Says:

    I advise drinking heavily and reading my very serious minute by minute coverage Ryan. No one won today. Pity.

  41. RyboSlybo Says:

    8:20: Obama on “torture” to sum up: “I’m a pussy.”

    Nice Cube! That was outstanding!


  42. RyboSlybo Says:

    8:30: “I don’t believe in crystal balls.” Nor does Obama believe in the rights of men to allow their balls to consummate a marriage.


    Four Balls does not = Marriage…


  43. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    good news michelle,
    I found a WADE post from just less than 48 hrs ago.
    we’re still on his list.
    btw, kathy has a new screen name, evidently the comment confirmation works the same for her…….also……
    seems like the new PD format doesn’t give her the opportunity her to change her views as often.

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