Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

But Chicago Has This! The Wieners Circle (VSFW)

October 2, 2009

The Wieners Circle is a fine eating establishment in Chicago known for excellent food, ethnic diversity, and friendly service.  The plan was to base the Olympic Village around this classic Chi-Town eatery.  Hindsight’s 20/20 as they say…

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(via funniness)

We should have sent the jaggoffs from the IOC who rejected Chicago to The Wieners Circle for a burger with a side of pussy juice.

Share! Or be a bum. It’s cool.

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Like Ummm… Good Luck To The Bills

September 11, 2009

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Thank God football season is back.

Howard Stern, a benefactor and collector of fine stutterers, kicked off the NFL season by introducing us to Buffalo Bills cornerback, Ellis Lanksder.  I don’t know how to end this paragraph really, but, I can imagine some parallel between Lanksder’s speech and the way the Bills like ummm… su… su…  su… suck my balls.

Go Miami!

Red Sox Nation Hires The Iron Sheik To Lead PR Team — Challenges A-Rod

July 16, 2009

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(Sheik starts at the :20 mark)

Have you been wondering what The Iron Sheik is up to aside from the occasional toot of crack and fighting with a stoned midget?   I have.

The Boys Of Summer make their way back to the freshly manicured grass for the second half of the season and The Iron Sheik takes on his new duties as head of PR for Red Sox Nation.  We’d respectfully like to take this time to clearly express The Nation is not homophobic and promotes gay rights.

Therefore, we do encourage Sheiky Baby to “fuck [Alex Rodriguez] in the ass with a beer bottle,” “challenge” George Steinbrener to an arm-wrestling match, and place the entire city of New York in a Camel Clutch to “fuck them in the ass and make them humble.”

Go Red Sox!

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It’s Official: Sarah Palin Is A Dildo (Update: Told Ya)

July 2, 2009


I am outraged!  Sarah Palin is “made of the finest silicone not latex.”

FIRST UPDATE OF DILDO ARTICLE IN INTERNET HISTORY:  Aha!  For those who do not read the tags, I told you “Barack Obama is a Dildo.”

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UPDATE TWO:  Dildo Power!  Sarah Palin resigned!  Do not underestimate the power of my dildo predicting skills.  I’m a dildo Jedi.  This is where you saw my dildo brain begin to think something was really wrong with Palin — the dildo.  The full court press of my dildo squad did it.  I’d like to give a shout out to my dildo posse (that’s posse).  It wasn’t Vanity Fair.  It was my mutherfucking dildo.

Lessons From Michael Jackson: Loving O.J. Simpson

June 28, 2009

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Do you remember the time?  Conjuring up images of O.J. Simpson today come easy and always, at least for me, has beautiful, almost God like, mythological and legendary Greek music accompanying his grace.  A magnificence we were all truly blessed to witness.  Fondly, I think back to speed and moves never before seen in entertainment and yearn for the carefree days of O.J’s youth.  Please.  I beg of you.  This is what we should focus on:

[O.J. is an] American collegiate and professional gridiron football player who was a premier running back known for his speed and elusiveness. …

Simpson, who was often called “Juice” because of his energetic runs and because his initials could stand for “orange juice.”

He’s the “Juice.” O.J. Simpson will always be known as the “Juice.”

O.J. has now retired to a small efficiency unbecoming of a king and legend.  What’s important for all of us to remember is the glow he filled all of our hearts with.   Of equal value — we should praise O.J. at this moment in time, you know, while he’s living.  Why can’t there be more tributes to the truly great soles of the world while they walk the earth?

“I really don’t want to discuss the negatives” about O.J. Simpson, said a childhood friend of someone else having nothing to do with O.J.  I’ll take the high road too and here’s why:

O.J. was not guilty.  That’s the truth and the law.  Yet sometimes, the law makes mistakes.  Which explains his second trial.  Furthermore, by taking the “high road,” I mean high roads with some unnecessary pit stops.

Personally, I’m tired of being drenched with the verbal sewage spewing from all these naysayers and immoral people on MSM.   O.J.’s entire family stood by his side and that’s good enough for me.  Think about Sydney.  Think about Justin.

Those who pilfer in spreading these disgusting, untrue, and vicious lies about O.J. should be dunked headfirst by the ankles into the river Styx.

O.J. was a “good boy.”  Every mother who has and cares for her son understands this.  Love.  That first feeling of love you have when you embrace a newborn — that’s O.J.!  That’s how we should remember him — with the love and adoration God shines down upon each one of His miracles.  Even ones not quite dead yet.  Love is all you need.

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Pittsburgh Steelers Linebacker James Harrison Trades Obama For 5th Round Pick And A Psychologist’s Wet Dream

May 18, 2009

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Roll The Tape!

Much like Miami Dolphins superstar linebacker Joey Porter after he nearly snubbed then President Bush when the Steelers won the Title a few years back, James Harrison takes a similar stance.  The only difference being, Harrison decided to skip seeing President Obama’s White House ceremony with The Steelers.  Well that and, Harrison’s a  retard:

“I don’t feel the need to go, actually,” Harrison told Pittsburgh station WTAE-TV. “I don’t feel like it’s that big a deal to me.”

Harrison is known for being an individualist whose on-field sullenness sometimes extends off the field as well.

Harrison, a backup at the time, and quarterback Tommy Maddox were among a handful of players who skipped the traditional White House visit by the Super Bowl champions in 2006. Maddox apparently was unhappy at being released after the season ended, although several other players who also weren’t with the Steelers any longer attended.

Former Steelers linebacker Joey Porter created a stir before that White House visit by saying he intended to tell Bush he didn’t like how the country was being run. Porter chose not to make those comments, but he wore dark sunglasses throughout the ceremony.

After Harrison’s big pay day, he was free to speak his “mind.”  Despite whatever consistencies you might see in his actions from president to president, rumors have surfaced he intends to join The Whig Party.   I mean, it could be argued this is a brilliant P.R. move to rid the country of the horrific two-party system.  It’s a Cube rumor exclusive.

Harrison’s goes by the affectionate nickname, “Deebo” — a Xanax popping loafer in the film, “Friday.”  He also played for the Rhein Fire in the defunct NFL Europa.  Most African-Americans learn valuable life lessons in Germany.