Posts Tagged ‘Daily Dose’

Why I Love Hating Letterman’s Apology

June 22, 2009

fox-hypocrisy

WordPress is unable to press the video you must see before reading this.  Kindly click:

HBN: 7 Hypocritical Moments in Fox’s Letterman/Palin Report (VIDEO: OR GET THE CLAP)

How do I love/hate theeLet me count the ways

1)  Gladstone, a brilliant satirist and humorist from Cracked.com, tells it like it is (from Ali’s perspective) on the whole Letterman/Palin faux debacle.  A “debacle” undeserving of a French adjective or, in Palin’s case, a word with more than one syllable — like, “debacle.”

2)  Remember kids, this blog is about me.  Gladstone is a friend of “Unsuable Signal” and one of the funniest guests we’ve ever had.  So, check out the episode where we had callers from Ireland and attempted calls from Australia.  Since Australians are well known Commies — not a total loss.  I mean, they do control Blog Talk Radio.  We also have the beginnings of my radio career where my well timed Tourette’s Syndrome with coprophiliac features came in quite handy.

3)  Dennis DiClaudio wrote a piece about myself and Gladstone on Comedy Central’s Indecision.  This of course, induced a massive nerdgasm catapulting me into a month-long state of euphobia.

4)  Sweet Irony:  As you may or may not know, Tommy Christopher landed a gig at Asylum today.  Totally Awesome!  Even Awesomer?  On the front page today I noticed Gladstone’s Hate By Numbers series along with Tommy’s first article.  What I’m certain neither of them know, until perhaps now, is they have polar opposite views on Letterman’s “apology.”  To sum up Tommy’s position (with a bit of conflation): Dave’s a statutory rapist:

Letterman’s attacks were made in an exponentially larger, broader forum, and included the statutory rape of a minor child.  They cannot be taken down or redacted.

Tommy knows my position.  It’s complex.  Dave’s not a rapist.   He’s a Meth addict.

6:  Gladstone and Tommy need to hook up.  They can give each other cyber-Chlamydia.  Or genital warts.  Two hysterical STD’s.

That’s loving hate by numbers.  And that’s all.

Match Game D.C.

June 17, 2009

Let’s get right down to the game shall we?  You all know the rules.  I read a question and all you have to do is fill in the blank and match them with the answers from our panel of some dead, some living, game show hosts.   Let’s meet them now…

The original host of Match Game and consummate lover of three-ways with Mark Goodson and Bill Todman:  Say hello to Dead  Mr. Gene Rayburn.    Next, a man sharing one harmonious melody with kung fu:  Dead Mr. Ray Combs.  Our next host is alive and claims he’d pop a cap in your ass if you fuck with him: Say hello or else to Mr. Chuck Barris.  And our last dead game show host, Drew Carey.

Remember, this show has never been known to use sexual innuendo or anything of the sort, so, keep it clean.  Contestants have flipped a coin backstage and it has been decided that Jim will go first.  Jim…

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Socratic Wisdom, Ed Morrissey, Tommy Christopher, And AOL

June 8, 2009

Socratic Wisdom

PLEASE MAKE SURE TO CLICK ON ED MORRISSEY’S LINK OR YOU WILL NOT SEE ALL OF THE EVIDENCE.  HE DOES IT MUCH BETTER THAN I COULD.  I CHOOSE THIS STYLE.  A  STANDARD JURY INSTRUCTION READS LIKE THIS:  DO NOT FORM ANY FIXED OR DEFINITE OPINIONS BEFORE YOU HEAR ALL OF THE EVIDENCE.  I HAVE TO TELL YOU FOLKS, THERE IS MORE THAN A REASONABLE DOUBT THAT THE FACTS ARE NOT AS AOL PORTRAYS THEM.  THE INCONSISTENCIES ARE MATERIAL.  THE NEWS OUTLETS INCLUDE:  HUFFINGTON POST, HOT AIR, RED STATE, COLLEGEPOLITICO, NEWSBUSTERS, AND, TOMMY’S WORD OF HONOR.  ED MORRISSEY, FROM WHAT I GATHER, IS A CONSERVATIVE AND MILD MANNERED GENTLEMAN.  RED STATE?  HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME ENCOURAGE READING A WRITER FROM RED STATE?  I BELIEVE TOMMY AND TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD.  THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO THAT STUPID JERK THEY TOLERATE AT AOL.  WHO LIKES TO BASH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.  AOL IS MORALLY LIABLE FOR THE TOLERATION OF HATE SPEECH.  TONS OF IT.  THEY DON’T MODERATE.  HUFFPO DOES.  I DON’T NEED TO SEE CYBERDOODLES LIKE THIS “)!(” WHICH THEY TOLERATE.   THAT IS THE TOLERATION OF AOL OF EVERY CURSE WORD KNOWN TO MAN.  IT PAINTS THE SITE WITH A BRUSH AND THAT THEY TOLERATE, INDICATES A MORAL DECISION TO TOLERATE, ON THEIR SITE, HATRED OF: WOMEN, JEWS, BLACKS, GAYS, HOMOSEXUALS, OBAMA SUPPORTERS, PALIN, BUGS, EVERYTHING.  THEY ARE ON THE HOOK FOR THAT, AND I’D LIKE THEM TO DEFEAT THAT ARGUMENT. WHICH THEY CAN’T  TRY.  YOU TOLERATE HATRED FAR WORSE THAN PLAYBOY AOL.  CENSOR YOUR IDIOT BOXES.  — GUEST APPEARANCE BY FAKE ALLCAPS WADE.

CLICK ED MORRISSEY.  YOU MUST.

________________

I apologize:

O men of [Internet], in the character of a juvenile orator – let no one expect this of me. And I must beg of you to grant me one favor, which is this – If you hear me using the same words in my defence which I have been in the habit of using, and which most of you may have heard in the agora, and at the tables of the money-changers, or anywhere else, I would ask you not to be surprised at this, and not to interrupt me. For I am more than seventy years of age, and this is the first time that I have ever appeared in a court of law, and I am quite a stranger to the ways of the place; and therefore I would have you regard me as if I were really a stranger, whom you would excuse if he spoke in his native tongue, and after the fashion of his country; – that I think is not an unfair request. Never mind the manner, which may or may not be good; but think only of the justice of my cause, and give heed to that: let the judge decide justly and the speaker speak truly.

I do not have such a silver tongue.  Or fingers.  Mine are made of aluminum and Alcoa is not doing so hot because of the best Muslim President of all time.

Please read Ed Morrissey’s column at Hot Air for a very fair critique of the situation between Tommy Christopher and AOL.  As I’ve stated, I have a conflict of interest because I am loyal to Tommy.  I mean, the philosopher I came up with was Mr. Rogers anyhow.  He’s channelling Greek thinking which is just Greek to me.

Ed (Can I call him Ed?  Yes?  He tweeted me once with the strange name of @EdMorrissey. I think that allows me to call him Ed, but I’m not sure) Morrissey has this very annoying habit of givkng careful, sober, analysis on most eveery issue.  Especially this one.

Morrissey interviewed all parties involved in the story.  Every source is checked.  All points of view are represented. The more I think of the article, the more I think he should just drink that goblet of hemlock already.

The doctor of Hot Air also plays a funky air piano.  A little know kernel of trivia he shares with that Socrates Dude is they both played air piano.  The facts are laid out for all to see.  And, the facts have consented to being laid.

Out.

Conservatives Empathize With Plight Of Conservative Women In Playboy

June 1, 2009

playboyHow do you begin an article about “hate-fucking” famous conservative women?

A first sentence ought aspire to reach out and grab the reader’s larynx, but, the thinking dude’s writer I am does not want to employ some tawdry ploy such as that.  Further, I just can’t think of a hook to really encapsulate the gravamen of the forthcoming.   At the moment, I think it better merely to set out and calmly explain the issue.  It has to do with doing it.

Some Guy (link removal explained in the previous article I shall not link to) from Playboy ran a column of the top 10 conservative women he would like to “hate-fuck.”  Guy deftly entitles his article, “So Right, It’s Wrong.”  Personally, I had never thought of this play on words.  Hmph.  Better press on.

In a spirit of love, peace, and harmony (values all Americans share) the author elucidates a novel theory of working across party lines.  A way to reach out and touch:

Michele Bachmann

Who: Bachmann is a lusty congresswoman from the Twin Cities who’s got some great twins of her own. She’s rumored to have a Clinton-level libido, and with that batshit-crazy look in her eyes you just know she’s a screamer.

How Could You? She’s called for McCarthy-esque investigations into the patriotism of her fellow congressmen, encouraged armed revolution against the White House-backed cap-and-trade proposal to reduce carbon emissions and suggested an AmeriCorps bill would lead to re-education camps. We could go on.

The Hate Fuck Rating: Chemical castration has begun to look appealing.

Abashedly I admit, I read Playboy almost exclusively for the content.  “For the articles:”

The magazine’s roster of contributors was as distinguished as any in English-language journalism. Vladimir Nabokov, John Cheever, John Updike, Irwin Shaw, William Styron, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and such cartoonists as Dedini, Barsotti, Kliban: they could be the front table at a New Yorker banquet. Skeptics suspected that Hefner got the second-best from the best, or work the New Yorker had rejected, and that Playboy settled for B material from the A team in order to appropriate their literary celebrity. Some folks in publishing had a dismissive term for Playboy fiction: “shit from names.”

But that depends on your definition of shit. In the 60s and 70s, much New Yorker fiction had a sere, affectless style — embodied (or disembodied) by the stories of Donald Barthelme — that spoke to a narrow band of Manhattan intelligentsia. Playboy spread its net to include all forms of fiction, from Styron and Ken Kesey to the science fiction of Ray Bradbury and Philip K. Dick. Further, The New Yorker could intimidate readers into accepting its crabby tone, because the magazine knew best; it really was written for a certain kind of New Yorker. Playboy had to sell each story to consumers from every level of sophistication. They bought the magazine to look; often they stayed to read.

Yes.   Something Wicked This Way Comes.  Something for the wise fool apparently.

After hearing some of the outcry from the left and right, I must confess, I’ve never seen such division and inconsistency on the blogosphere.  Certainly, Playboy’s (now defunct) policy of boning the likes of Michelle Malkin and Michelle Bachmann is something we can all get behind eh fellas?

Not so fast.  Tommy Christopher, guardian of liberal values and gatekeeper of Conservative chastity-belts nationwide, trumpets a call to boycott Playboy and rightfully exposes Playboy’s surreptitious hatred of all women.

Over the years, “tasteful” porn dinosaur Playboy Magazine has been the subject of pop cultural debate for decades. Is the nudity exploitation, or

empowerment? Does the magazine celebrate women, or degrade them? If so, are the articles really worth all of that?

I received several of the answers via my Twitter feed this morning. Washington Times columnist Amanda Carpenter sent this jawdropper about the magazine’s latest feature:

“I’m in Playboy for GOP women they’d like to “hate f***” They didn’t even get my employer right. What should I do? Mon 01 Jun 11:51 via web

I’m steamed. That list is vile, insulting and WRONG on factual matters. Mon 01 Jun 11:54 via web”  …

I outgrew my fascination for Playboy magazine the very instant I was able to purchase one for myself. Hopefully, any other men who claim to love women will kick the habit, too

What’s this?  Empathy?  Empathy for the plight of a woman?  All women?  Conservative women?  By a man?  Impossible.  How dare Mr. Christopher step in the the pumps of even his most ardent rivals and try to imagine how it must feel to be objectified?  What a jerk.  And just what does Mr. Christopher mean by “‘Tasteful’ porn dinosaur?” I have often found porn dinosaurs to be a bit large a course for my dainty appetite.

Folks, I must be honest, I intend to follow Mr. Christopher’s advice about kicking the Playboy habit despite not having one.  While I might have a different view on empathy, the argument concerning imminent destruction of my Playboy collection in the ol’ shoebox beneath the bed must go.  For, in order to love women, I must never read Playboy again.  Thus, I propose a bonfire of the maladies.  Burn them.   Burn them all.

Later, I hope to find a categorical policy on matters such as this like Mr. Christopher.

Suffice it to say, Mr. Christopher must not be swayed by The Right’s reaction at Hot Air and their “two Wrongs make a Right” theory on metaphysics and epistomology.  (See the boldface?  I can make that joke too!  Maybe I’m Playboy’s next Ray Bradbury)

As Ed Morrissey reported, Playboy is now doing a feature called “Top 10 conservative women we’d love to hate f***.”

Playboy writes about conservative women in a way that would have the angry hags from the NOW picketing outside their bunny-clad doors if they did anything remotely similar about liberal women — though I don’t know whey they’d be so ticked off — it’s not like anybody from NOW would be on the list.

Figuring that one good spurn deserves another (after all, what liberal doesn’t like “fairness”?), I thought I’d return the favor.

Oh sweet vengeanceBlow that Hot Air baby.  Show me the money shot…

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