“Real” Mob To Sue “Cafone” Mob For Copyright Infringement

(Miami, Florida)  Nothing unites America like a good Mob story — the”real” Mob that is.  On the upscale shuffleboard and bacce ball courts at a retirement community in Miami, I caught up with a few “reformed” old-timers who are fed up with what they consider to be theft of their intellectual property — the word, “Mob.”  As a condition of the interviews, I promised to only use first names, conceal the location of their outdoor activity center, and bring them black and white cookies from the The Rascal House.  I didn’t have the heart to tell the fellas that The Rascal House had closed.  Sage Deli would have to do.

I met Gus and his crew sometime in the late ’70s at The Rascal House as a kid with my Jewish grandpa.  One thing Jews and Italians could always agree on was good food with heaping piles of guilt sauce.  At the time, I didn’t know they were, um, businessmen.  They’re “retired” now, but want to preserve their heritage.  I was up for a game of bacce, but they just wanted to eat in the shade and talk “politics.”

Rawls:  It’s good to see ya Gus.  Boys…

Gus: Thanks for bringin’ the cookies kid.

Rawls: So, this whole Mob lawsuit.  What’s that about?

Gus: Heyyyy.  Are you fucking kidding me?  These cafones think they can just take our name?

Frankie: Yeah.  It’s ours.

Gus: That’s right.  We’re taking them to court.

Rawls: So let me get this straight, you’re suing protesters at the Town Hall Meetings for stealing the word “Mob?”

Nunzio:  We’re reformed.

Frankie: Yeah.  Reformed.

Gus: These people on T.V.  They’re not “The Mob.”

Nunzio: Scemos.

Gus:  An insult.

Rawls: Why a lawsuit?

Gus: Marone! Have you seen these idiots?  Our “Mob” was quiet.  That was always an inside joke.

Nunzio: Those jabronis in the pubic never got it.  I mean, they called us the “Mob” but we didn’t bother anyone.  These people threaten the lives of public officials.  IN PUBLIC!!

Frankie: Yeah.  They dress all funny-like too.

Gus: For Christ’s sake.  Look at that one leader.  The crazy birther lady on my iPhone…

Nunzio: Sal wouldn’t even bang her.

Frankie: You have an iPhone?

Rawls:  Let’s get back on point.

Nunzio: We are on point.   That lady’s crazy.  She’s part of it.  One point is they have no point.

Gus: Another point is, do you think say… Vito Coreleone would be running around in some tattered red sweater thumping a Bible with stick figure drawings?  That’s the “Mob?”  Get the fuck outta here.

Nunzio: At least wear a tie.  I’m not saying Armani, but these people look like 100 miles of bad road.

Frankie:  Hell, I disagree with Obama, but this makes us look bad.  Reformed Mobsters and Republicans.

Gus: And we’re taking ’em to court.  We have our rights.

Rawls: I’m not sure if you’re aware of Sarah Palin’s comment concerning “Death Panels.”   Are you concerned about this?

Gus: I’m more concerned with the cocksucks who agree with her and the other snapperheads who go to these meetings.  I’m telling you, it’s that internet.

Rawls: Paul Krugman recently wrote an Op-Ed in the New York Times.  He states:

There’s a famous Norman Rockwell painting titled “Freedom of Speech,” depicting an idealized American town meeting. The painting, part of a series illustrating F.D.R.’s “Four Freedoms,” shows an ordinary citizen expressing an unpopular opinion. His neighbors obviously don’t like what he’s saying, but they’re letting him speak his mind.

That’s a far cry from what has been happening at recent town halls, where angry protesters — some of them, with no apparent sense of irony, shouting “This is America!” — have been drowning out, and in some cases threatening, members of Congress trying to talk about health reform.

Some commentators have tried to play down the mob aspect of these scenes, likening the campaign against health reform to the campaign against Social Security privatization back in 2005. But there’s no comparison. I’ve gone through many news reports from 2005, and while anti-privatization activists were sometimes raucous and rude, I can’t find any examples of congressmen shouted down, congressmen hanged in effigy, congressmen surrounded and followed by taunting crowds.

And I can’t find any counterpart to the death threats at least one congressman has received.

Would you agree?

Frankie: That’s why we’re suing them right boss?

Gus: Right. I mean, they threated the union with guns.  It’s just easier to call them assholes.

Rawls: You’re not with the Union are you Gus?

Gus: Of course not.  Pass me a cookie.

Tags: Birthers, David Shuster, Death Threats From Mob, Intellectual Honesty, Orly Taliz, Palin's Death Panels, Pictures Of Mob, Right To Peacefully Assemble, The Godfather, The Mob Sues, Threats To Union, Townhall Mob Protests