Posts Tagged ‘Cracked.com’

Why I Love Hating Letterman’s Apology

June 22, 2009

fox-hypocrisy

WordPress is unable to press the video you must see before reading this.  Kindly click:

HBN: 7 Hypocritical Moments in Fox’s Letterman/Palin Report (VIDEO: OR GET THE CLAP)

How do I love/hate theeLet me count the ways

1)  Gladstone, a brilliant satirist and humorist from Cracked.com, tells it like it is (from Ali’s perspective) on the whole Letterman/Palin faux debacle.  A “debacle” undeserving of a French adjective or, in Palin’s case, a word with more than one syllable — like, “debacle.”

2)  Remember kids, this blog is about me.  Gladstone is a friend of “Unsuable Signal” and one of the funniest guests we’ve ever had.  So, check out the episode where we had callers from Ireland and attempted calls from Australia.  Since Australians are well known Commies — not a total loss.  I mean, they do control Blog Talk Radio.  We also have the beginnings of my radio career where my well timed Tourette’s Syndrome with coprophiliac features came in quite handy.

3)  Dennis DiClaudio wrote a piece about myself and Gladstone on Comedy Central’s Indecision.  This of course, induced a massive nerdgasm catapulting me into a month-long state of euphobia.

4)  Sweet Irony:  As you may or may not know, Tommy Christopher landed a gig at Asylum today.  Totally Awesome!  Even Awesomer?  On the front page today I noticed Gladstone’s Hate By Numbers series along with Tommy’s first article.  What I’m certain neither of them know, until perhaps now, is they have polar opposite views on Letterman’s “apology.”  To sum up Tommy’s position (with a bit of conflation): Dave’s a statutory rapist:

Letterman’s attacks were made in an exponentially larger, broader forum, and included the statutory rape of a minor child.  They cannot be taken down or redacted.

Tommy knows my position.  It’s complex.  Dave’s not a rapist.   He’s a Meth addict.

6:  Gladstone and Tommy need to hook up.  They can give each other cyber-Chlamydia.  Or genital warts.  Two hysterical STD’s.

That’s loving hate by numbers.  And that’s all.

Torture By Weiner

May 12, 2009

torture

Michael Swaim, a human being, accidentally intercepted some of Dick Cheney’s “torture” emails and has been detained in isolation at an undisclosed location ever since.   Surrounded by an army of steroid freaks, my team of expensive gumshoes here at Cube surreptitiously cracked the case and found this note in his prison cell:

The ACLU have been trying to get the government to release the photos for a while now, hoping to build a criminal case against officials and guards who committed interrogation techniques they say constitutes torture. Meanwhile, the guys from the Bush Administration maintain that they worked within the confines of the law…

And that’s where it ends.

Apparently, Mr. Swaim is being transferred to another country for tea and questioning on literary devices.  Because Swaim is from San Diego, it came as no surprise he was Iced immediately upon his capture.

I Feel Like Sally Fields. With A Penis.

May 8, 2009

Best tweet not sung by a pedophile who got off the hook:

  1. TheInDeciderTheInDeciderGladstone and Cube on the Radio (Just Like Donna Summer) http://tinyurl.com/q2jmqy

Too coolGladstone tomorrow night and Indy writing our stupid tube show up?  A word G. Xavier Robillard might splatter would be “nerdgasm.”

Dennis DiClaudio once referred to himself as a “total dick” in response to a commenter on Indecision who called him (shocker) a “dick.”  If memory serves me correctly, it was some poster named “Jim” — a contrarian and Ron Paul dry-humper.

(more…)

Gladstone!

May 4, 2009

gladstone

From Gladstone’s “Hate By Numbers”

This week on Unsable Signal With Cube, we bring to you folks lessons on metaphysics and epistemology.   Only on the internet can I bring you the foremost mind on wormhole theory and quarks:  Gladstone.

Gladstone is both hysterical and brilliant.  He knows much about quantum mechanics and goes far beyond fart jokes, unlike myself.  He is a freelance writer for Comedy Central’s Indecision and is a columnist at Cracked.com. Or is it .org?  Creator of the “Hate By Numbers” video series, he is currently in therapy and working on loving integers.  Gladstone  is also a prolific writer of screenplays. Like me. Want to know more? Drop him a line: kafkamaine@gmail.com.

Want to know more about me?  No.  You don’t.

Thanks to Captain Freedom for arranging this totally awesome show.

Saturday Night.  11:00 P.M.  E.S.T.  Drop questions in the box.

The Search For “Leisure Suit Larry”

April 23, 2009

larrysuit

Remember the days of Bulletin Board Systems?  The wonder years of cyberspace…

I was a young teenager.   Somehow I convinced Dad to purchase a modem I had seen in Wargames as some mechanism to further my education.  He had no idea I was planning on either hacking into the NSA or finding a few pixels of the digitalized female anatomy.

“What the Hell do you need that for?”  Dad grunted.  The salesman seemed to mysteriously become aroused with the normal reaction I had to something I wanted — opening my mouth and rambling incessantly.

Looking back on it, I suppose caressing that black box of beauty might not have been the best signal to salesman.  Me and my mouth.  Now I understand that look he shot at me.  He still does that.  But, I love him.

“Research.”

Hook, Line, And Video Games.

(more…)