Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Nothing Says “America” Like A Yodeling Dominatrix

August 4, 2009

Like The Star Spangled Banner, My Country ‘Tis Of Thee, and that midget climbing up a ruler on the Price Is Right, nothing represents our country’s pure essence like a foreign Amazon whore who will kick your ass while yodeling and sexing you up.

AMERICA’S GOT TALENT!

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Popping “Downers,” “Quaaludes,” And “Sotomayor” On Hardball With Chris Mathews

July 15, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Chris Matthews “shouldn’t have said that.”  I mean comparing The Senate Judiciary Hearing and Judge Stomayor to “Quentin Quaalude” is really an unfair statement. Even worse is Pulitzer Prize winning communist and celebrated African-American writer, Eugene Robinson, speculating whether they were on “downers.”  Pat Buchanan is drug free, but his typical sane self.

I mean, Matthews should know the majority of his audience requires some form of a heavy narcotic ingestion when watching the show and Robinson should be more sensitive to the triumph of Diprivan.

“You got “Ludes?”

“No.”

“But I wish I had some ya’ know?”

Poll after the jump…

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Pat Buchanan: “Until The Thrashing Stops!”

July 15, 2009

Pat’s awesome.  Palin should take her money from the big Meth deal and recent booking on the Morton Downey, Jr. show and use it to  hire Buchanan as Chief of Staff.   He brings too much liberal bias to MSNBC — a noted Separatist blog.

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Yes.  This Blog is pro-drowning.

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Before And After: Peter King Of Pop

July 6, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Representative King pontificated a  cryptic and vague message on the psychology of society and why it reveres Michael Jackson.  King was soft.  Like a child with a smooth, bald, head; stricken with cancer whom Michael liked to molest, Peter King was soft in his tone.

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Unusable Signal! Happy Fourth!

July 4, 2009

Come celebrate the fourth appearance by at least one of the Ris brothers. Be afraid! The wild and zany brothers from East St. Louis (or thereabouts) have some surprise in store for you and Dylan is known to carry a switchblade. It’s the greatest tube show in tube show history baby! Comedy Central alumni Dylan and Ethan Ris will be on hand to help me funnel Diprivan and discuss Sarah Palin.

Tonight!  11:00 PM EST  Click here for Milk Of Amnesia.

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Why I Love Hating Letterman’s Apology

June 22, 2009

fox-hypocrisy

WordPress is unable to press the video you must see before reading this.  Kindly click:

HBN: 7 Hypocritical Moments in Fox’s Letterman/Palin Report (VIDEO: OR GET THE CLAP)

How do I love/hate theeLet me count the ways

1)  Gladstone, a brilliant satirist and humorist from Cracked.com, tells it like it is (from Ali’s perspective) on the whole Letterman/Palin faux debacle.  A “debacle” undeserving of a French adjective or, in Palin’s case, a word with more than one syllable — like, “debacle.”

2)  Remember kids, this blog is about me.  Gladstone is a friend of “Unsuable Signal” and one of the funniest guests we’ve ever had.  So, check out the episode where we had callers from Ireland and attempted calls from Australia.  Since Australians are well known Commies — not a total loss.  I mean, they do control Blog Talk Radio.  We also have the beginnings of my radio career where my well timed Tourette’s Syndrome with coprophiliac features came in quite handy.

3)  Dennis DiClaudio wrote a piece about myself and Gladstone on Comedy Central’s Indecision.  This of course, induced a massive nerdgasm catapulting me into a month-long state of euphobia.

4)  Sweet Irony:  As you may or may not know, Tommy Christopher landed a gig at Asylum today.  Totally Awesome!  Even Awesomer?  On the front page today I noticed Gladstone’s Hate By Numbers series along with Tommy’s first article.  What I’m certain neither of them know, until perhaps now, is they have polar opposite views on Letterman’s “apology.”  To sum up Tommy’s position (with a bit of conflation): Dave’s a statutory rapist:

Letterman’s attacks were made in an exponentially larger, broader forum, and included the statutory rape of a minor child.  They cannot be taken down or redacted.

Tommy knows my position.  It’s complex.  Dave’s not a rapist.   He’s a Meth addict.

6:  Gladstone and Tommy need to hook up.  They can give each other cyber-Chlamydia.  Or genital warts.  Two hysterical STD’s.

That’s loving hate by numbers.  And that’s all.

twitter TRACKER

June 19, 2009

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Open thread toe hold.  Check out the TWEETS WITH HEAT!

The Thorn Birds Part III: Father Cutie Converts, Marries, Preaches Forgiveness and Fornication (UPDATE: AND GETS SUED)

June 17, 2009

You might remember the story of Miami’s Father Cutie, a/k/a Father “Oprah.” To recap, Father Cutie got caught with his hand in the thong jar and left the Catholic Church for some skank rather than stay true to God.

Good news heathens!  He’s back.  He’s boning.  He’s an Episcopalian preacher man.  And, Padre Cutie exchanged nuptials with his sweetie from the sands of South Beach:

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Match Game D.C.

June 17, 2009

Let’s get right down to the game shall we?  You all know the rules.  I read a question and all you have to do is fill in the blank and match them with the answers from our panel of some dead, some living, game show hosts.   Let’s meet them now…

The original host of Match Game and consummate lover of three-ways with Mark Goodson and Bill Todman:  Say hello to Dead  Mr. Gene Rayburn.    Next, a man sharing one harmonious melody with kung fu:  Dead Mr. Ray Combs.  Our next host is alive and claims he’d pop a cap in your ass if you fuck with him: Say hello or else to Mr. Chuck Barris.  And our last dead game show host, Drew Carey.

Remember, this show has never been known to use sexual innuendo or anything of the sort, so, keep it clean.  Contestants have flipped a coin backstage and it has been decided that Jim will go first.  Jim…

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Liveblogging Irrelevancy

June 16, 2009

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9:00  RECAP  Janice had an emergency:  She couldn’t take a dump for seven days.  New Sheriff in town — John Salley.  Name of town: Rockridge.

Welcome To The LiveBlog of “Celebrity” Day 16.

The two hosts are in the jungle with a plasma.

9:03:  John’s first day as captain.  Sanjaya is a dirty pig.  Tell us something we don’t know about that fuckstick.

9:04:  John’s “cracking the whip” according to Holly.  You know, she’s right.  Black men are often pegged with “cracking whips.”  John’s a total cracker.

9:05:  So far, Janice has not pooed.

9:08:  Patti Blagojevich just wiped her behind with a batch of dead crickets.  Whoops.  That was my imagination.

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