Posts Tagged ‘The Thorn Birds’

The Thorn Birds Part III: Father Cutie Converts, Marries, Preaches Forgiveness and Fornication (UPDATE: AND GETS SUED)

June 17, 2009

You might remember the story of Miami’s Father Cutie, a/k/a Father “Oprah.” To recap, Father Cutie got caught with his hand in the thong jar and left the Catholic Church for some skank rather than stay true to God.

Good news heathens!  He’s back.  He’s boning.  He’s an Episcopalian preacher man.  And, Padre Cutie exchanged nuptials with his sweetie from the sands of South Beach:


Forgive Me CBS For I Have Sinned. Maybe.

May 13, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

While Father Cutie does not want to be the poster child against celibacy, he still channels Richard Chamberlain in the CBS interview.  Just like star-crossed Thorn Birds, Father Cutie (which is a much better name than “Father Ralph”) is conflicted about his love for God, Church, Catholicism, and his courtesan.  He also shares Father Ralph’s penchant for using his finger as a rectal thermometer on the beautiful and very private beaches of Miami.

Father Cutie consistently articulates his view on theology that’s been upheld since time immemorial: The vow of celibacy for a priest is sacred, but boning a woman can be optional.

The Thorn Birds Part II: Miami Vice

May 6, 2009

From The Miami Herald:

The Rev. Alberto Cutié, a national figure with movie star looks, was removed from his Miami Beach church Tuesday after photographs appeared in a magazine showing him frolicking with a woman in the sand on a Florida beach.

A wildly popular Catholic priest, newspaper columnist and radio and television personality, Cutié will no longer run operations or say Sunday Mass at St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church.

Word of Cutié’s punishment came during a brief news conference in front of a small gathering of reporters at the Archdiocese of Miami headquarters on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami Shores.

”The vow of celibacy is part of the ordination,” said spokeswoman Mary Ross Agosta. “A man who is a priest is able to totally focus on the church.”

So the Priest tapped some ass.  Big deal.  If we can perform face-transplant surgeries, I think the time has come to end the vow of celibacy.

Demonstrations supporting Father Cutie are planned for tomorrow according to local television reports (except they don’t print what they telecast).

Artfully, I pose to you this very issue

Pictures of Father Cutie’s Cutie after the jump…