Posts Tagged ‘Res Ipsa Loquitor’

Liveblogging The Sotomayor Hearing: Part Dos Holmes!

July 14, 2009

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Vatos!  You can watch the confirmation here live (I hope) at 9:30 AM (EST).  Justice (non-Freudian slip) Sotomayor’s judicial philosophy is “simple.  Fidelity to the law.”  Much like Governor Sanford: “Fidelity to an undetermined amount of vaginas not belonging to his wife.”  Feel free to follow along as I use my Jedi legal skills to explain the philosophy of noted mathematician, Senator Kyl.

9:30 – Sotomayor speaks!  After Leahy washed her down with a luffa.

9:34 – Judge Sotomayor will “keep an open mind.”  By keeping an open mind, she means tar and feathering every last white creature on Planet Earth.

9:36 – Leahy questions the judge on criminal law.  Specifically her job as a D.A. in New York.  This is where she learned to practice law and distinguishes between “fact” and “legal theory.”  She learned about the facts of life at the D.A.  As for me, I learned about the Facts Of Life from Tutti — A hooker on the Boulevard in Miami… but that’s not important right now.

9:40 – Sotomayor, as a prosecutor, relates a case about murder cases and the impact on the victim’s family.  Obviously, this was not used for any sort of emotional impact and is consistent with sympathy, not empathy.  She also gets into evidence code.  Specifically, using evidence for purposes of establishing identity in a criminal case (murder).  To be even more specific, she is talking about relevancy under FRE 404, identity, and modus operandi.  Nevermind all that, she busted down a murderer and that’s just… awful.

9:45 – Leahy goes on to the Ricci case.  A/K/A The White Firefighters Case.  In law, we call this a preemptive strike or stealing thunder.   In the Senate, I call it the same thing.  Leahy is trying to take wind out of the sails from the likes of Sessions, Kyl, and to a lesser extent other Republican senators who are pussies and afraid to bring it up for fear of losing the Hispanic vote.  Nevermind this is not an issue worth intellectual discussion, it is an issue that is sexy.  And when I say “sexy,” I mean “sexy” in a Morton Downey, Jr. after 300 cigarettes smoking corpse kind of sexy.

9:50 – Sotomayor is ready to pounce on Leahy and answer questions before before he finishes asking it.  Leahy is a noted Right-Wing Bible Thumper.

9:55 – The judge has learned to control her Tourette’s by scribling down what I’m postive are doodles of white men swinging by a noose so as not to interrupt Leahy.

9:56 – OK!  Her answer to her statement concerning “Funky Wise Latinas.”  She wanted young Latina women to be inspired.  Unequivocally, she believes all ethnicities or groups have equal opportunities.  She further states she will be fair and impartial and that her words were taken out of context.  She goes onto cite to Justice O’Connor (why I don’t know) as a means for garnering credibility.  I have to say, this is shocking.  Seriously, I really thought she would say, “OK.  Let me be honest.  I’m tired of fucking crackers.  Eat me.”

10:00 – The Heller case!  Guns baby!  Sotomayor moves on to the Second Amendment!  She is talking about “The Incorporation Doctrine.”  Whether the Second Amendment is incorporated to the states visa vis the 14th Amendment.   Unless you are a lawyer, you have no idea what she is talking about.  Basically, she will keep an “open mind” and will not “prejudge” this issue.  To translate, we will have to move to slingshots.  And now… of to discussion with Leahy about prostitutes.  Can’t think of joke here.

10:04 – Senator Sessions at the plate.  He will have different questions than Leahy I suspect.  Probably softballs, cotton candy, and a square-dance.  He does like “fidelity.”  Just like (Insert Politician Here).

10:06 – “Funky Wise Latina” line of inquiry by Sessions.  Also, he delves into the  “policy” remark by Sotomayor.  He wants to know what she really believes, because, as we all know, this entire chamber is devoted to what people really believe.  I know.  I’m optimistic.

10:08 – Sotomayor responds to “policy” remark she made at Duke.  She explains precedent and stare decisis.  Precedent has policy implications.  For example, should Justice Thomas’ dissent have held the day on the children strip search case, the policy implication would be schools could search the anal cavities of younglings without the consent of parent or child.  Sessions must be right.  Supreme Court decisions do not have policy implications.

“Life experiences” are important says the judge.  We are not “robots.”  People have “feelings and experiences.”

Sessions “understands that” but for some reason he just gave her the stink eye.

Ed. Note: There are cyborgs everyone discriminates against.  CYBORG POWER.

10:15 – “The law is what commands the result.”  No.  Dick Cheney does that.

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