Posts Tagged ‘President Obama’

President Obama, Please Take The Witness Stand!

July 28, 2009

“Beer here!  Get your ice-cold beer!  How about you sir?  Or you?  Beer?  Please?  Maybe a nice sparkling wine?”

Unless you have been breathing fresh air and enjoying the forgotten frivolities of life over the past week, in one way or another, you’ve made some sort of stand and are caught in the middle of the pop-off at the Cambridge Corral.  President Obama is set to meet with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley on Thursday for beers at the White House.  All three are poised to shoot the breeze about race relations and learn from this very “teachable moment.”  Ironically, the one person who might be taught a lesson in the law of unwittingly becoming a witness is President Obama.

In this not so tepid climate concerning race relations, police misconduct, and alleged unpleasantness hurled at an officer’s “mama,” there is one kernel of veracity everyone can agree on — President Obama is already in the unique position of personally speaking with both parties.  Without question, Mr. Obama is a witness to statements made by both Sergeant Crowley and Professor Gates.

This raises a somewhat novel question left unaddressed by every major and minor media outlet in the world (yes, this is a Cube exclusive) — will Obama have to produce sworn testimony as a witness at some point should the legal napalm drop?  Yes.

The president is privy to conversations which would absolutely be relevant to any sort of lawsuit launched by either party.  Crowley stated he is contemplating suing Gates for “defamation.” Certainly, Gates has a plethora of options if he decides to sue Crowley and the Cambridge Police Department.

The constitutional implications of a sitting president being compelled to testify as a non-party witness (in deposition, interrogatories, or actual live testimony should a trial ensue) are, at a minimum, murky. Issues with regard to immunity would probably arise at the behest of any White House Counsel worth a darn, however, this is not a case where the President is being sued or charged with a crime — he is a witness.  This much, one can easily conclude.  Furthermore, whether his testimony is taken during or after his term is not an issue.  At some point, should a lawsuit hit the court files, President Obama will be a witness.  Statements by the parties are unquestionably discoverable under the rules of civil procedure (both federal and state).

As luck would have it, we can look to the case of William Jefferson Clinton v. Paula Courbin Jones for some guidance.  In fact, we can go all the way back to the treason case of Aaron Burr when he popped a cap in Alexander Hamilton and killed him in a pistol duel to the death.  While not on all fours and barking, Clinton v. Jones speaks to this and other matters concerning the sworn testimony of a sitting president.  Justice Stevens cites a few examples of such in our rich history:

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The President Is Not Color Blind

July 24, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

President Obama “clarified” his comment concerning a Cambridge police officer and retreated from his initial position.  This proves once and for all Obama’s twisted agenda and preference for a particular color…

Yellow.

Cons Lift Eddie Murphy’s Ice Cream Argument

June 21, 2009

President Obama ate some ice cream with his daughter.  It should come as no surprise The Right contends the Earth might stop spinning on its axis and foreign policy decisions made while eating said cream will cast us all to Hades.

Look at this tasty TWEET!

@Moe Lane (retard) says, “New blog post: :Looking at the ice cream story”  Awwwww Shit!  Moe’s gonna go all “Ice Cream” on President Obama.  He’s like a modern day Saint Thomas Aquinas.  Solidarity Ho!

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UPDATE: Obama Rigged Iranian Election

June 14, 2009

obama muslim

UPDATE: Protracted deliberations over the political implications of President Obama’s direct interference in the Iranian elections are finally at an end.  With the use of an “UPDATE” in the forthcoming text of this article, set out to prove (without the use of post hoc logic) the veracity of the above styled headline, fair-minded, sober conclusions can be reached.

Most experts with degrees and vast experience in the highly specialized area of foreign policy  with Iran in the year 2009 tried to trumpet a call to arms after pronouncing, “Obama Hails Rigged Election.”  Despite the in depth analysis of the previously linked article, it had no “UPDATES.”

UPDATE: Hot Air’s Allahpundit, (note to self: probaby a fair arbiter of issues given his/her birth name) wrote a detailed commentary on the Iranian election yesterday and how “Barry” might proceed in Iran.   Not sure if Allahpundit cares for “Barry.”  UPDATE:  SINCE WRITING THE ARTICLE YESTERDAY, ALLAHPUNDIT UPDATED FOUR “UPDATES.”  QUITE POSSIBLY THE HEADLINE WAS UPDATED.  UPDATE:  DEVELOPING…

UPDATE: Take cover!  The Huffington Post is cornering the market on “UPDATES.”  This comes as no surprise from a socialist blog run by some Marxist gal from Alabama, but, have they no shame?  “Iran Updates (VIDEO): Live-Blogging The Uprising.”  UPDATE:  UPDATE YOURSELF BY READING A BLOG ABOUT “UPDATES.”

UPDATE: Fareed Zakaria at CNN will be updating the site with video today from his blasphemous show which has careful judgment and well-rounded thinkers.  UPDATE: No videos updated to the GPS website.

UPDATE:  As I write this article I must reach a conclusion.

UPDATE: President Obama rigged the Iranian election.

UPDATE AND BREAKING: Mary Phillips-Sandy at Comedy Central’s Indecision updated the cyber-zine this morning  with the following update: “Iranian Elections: Your Morning Riot Update

Chaos raged in Iran this weekend as Mir Hossein Moussavi’s supporters continued to protest the results of last week’s election: despite brutal crackdowns by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s police forces, thousands of Iranians have remained on the streets of Tehran, risking their lives to demand fairness and justice.Here’s just one eyewitness account of the turmoil…

Aerial television footage showed people jumping on a police car, rocking vehicles attempting to pass through the crowd, setting small trees on fire and throwing fireworks and flares set up by police.

UPDATE: More violence erupted in the far west region of La where magic spells could not make the rioting disappear.

UPDATE, BUT BROKEN EARLIER: Fareed Zakaria updated his website with updated videos from yesterday (which were the same ones aired yesterday but not updated on the GPS website).  Details next Sunday.

UPDATE: Republicans join Klingons in assault on President Obama’s handling of the Iranian Elections.

Republicans, who never met a problem they didn’t want to solve by opening a can of Blood Wine with a bat lethe and grunting out some threatening-sounding gibberish.  That might [will] get you points at Klingon Fight Club …

DOWNDATE: See previous “updates” where I had already updated this type of occurrence yesterday (“Obama Hails Rigged Election“).  Duh.  We already know actually Obama rigged the election.  Himself.   Personally.

EXCLUSIVE: Obviously, Klingons are involved and must help Republicans.    Unfortunately for the rest of the blogosphere, they do not have the Futurific Iranian Conflation Gizmo I do.

Sonia “The Socialist” Sotomayor

May 27, 2009
Exhibit "A"

Exhibit "A"

Do you hunt down socialist varmints?  I do.

It sure did smell pink when Barry Barack Hussein Sotero Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to The United States Supreme Joke yesterday.  In case you didn’t know, “pink” smells bad.  Real bad.

I knew she was a Commie.  Or a Liberal.  Or a Socialist.  Something.

Just a brief verification from Google as illustrated in “Exhibit A” above proves Judge Sotomayor is nothing less than the, oh I don’t know, most evil, gay, Hispanic, liberal, socialist, spy ever!  “Maria” was sent here to destroy humankind as we know it and turn the Constitution into her own personal manifesto.  And such.

And now I present to you, “Exhibit B”:  The smoking chimney, the big potato pancake, the head asparagus, and the straw that broke the Elephant Man’s throat — her Princeton yearbook photo and totally socialist caption!  Of course, you can only see the wretched evidence of an attempt to overthrow the government after the jump…

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BREAKING: Obama To Nominate Judge Janice Rogers Brown

May 25, 2009

janicebrwonsPresident Barack Obama is set to appoint Judge Janice Rogers Brown to The Supreme Court Of The United States after the vacancy left by Justice Souter.   Judge Brown, a single mother and daughter of a sharecropper, worked her way all the way up to the Supreme Court Of California where she served from 1996 until 2003 as an Associate Justice.  In 2005, Brown left The Supreme Court Of California and went to the United States Court Of Appeals D.C. Circuit to become an Associate Justice.  While many scholars predicted women such as, Judge Diane Wood, Solicitor General Kagan, or Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, President Obama opts for a woman with experience in life and in law.

Judge Brown has written many scholarly decisions often butting heads with some of the more entrenched views of noted male conservatives like Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh (also of the D.C. Circuit).  Brown sharply criticized Kavanaugh stating a legal decision of his, “create[s] constitutional problems where there are none.”

Brown grew up in Greensville, Alabama in the heart of the segregated South.  As a child, she was forced to go to a segregated African-American school.  Her family though refused to enter any business that segregated African-Americans and she learned at an early age to stand up for what she believes in.  Certainly Mr. Obama had no worries putting a check mark in the “empathy” box for the 60 year-old contender.  Although some liberals may have wanted a younger nominee, Brown seems to fit the bill.

As a single mother, Janice Rogers Brown worked her way through law school and also attained her L.L.M in recent years.  Judge Brown is extremely vocal on women’s issues, freedom of religion, the role of government, and affirmative action.  Senate leaders have previously articulated their support of Brown as early as 2003 and confirmation should be a breeze.

President Obama is expected to name Brown later in the week.

The Right Goes Back To The Future And Targets Unnamed Obama Nominations

May 23, 2009

When the Right hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious shit.

Watch this!  Watch this!

WHAT DID I TELL YOU!  88 MILES PER HOUR!!!

While right-wing groups attempt to wrinkle time and foil this triple-dimension alternative universe of communist justices from Hades, Marty and Doc are all over it at The ABA Journal: Law News Now:

Some conservative groups aren’t waiting for President Obama to announce his choice to fill the seat of retiring Justice David H. Souter. They are taking aim at three potential Supreme Court nominees in attack ads posted on YouTube. …

Supreme Court practitioner Thomas Goldstein, who created SCOTUSblog, told the Tribune that the Internet and blogs have helped distribute information about the possible nominees. “The downside is that there is an equal leveling effect in which totally idiotic wing nuts can go off—that’s true on both the far left and far right.”  (emphasis added)

Wait a second!  That lazy block quote is from “Law News Now.”  How about, law news later?  Such is the tripe of blowhard lawyers easily debunked when the right has attorney-bots designed by Stephen Hawking.

Information procured by time traveling conservatives explicitly state in the above video Judge “Wood ruled that peaceful abortion demonstrators should be punished under the same law that applies to mob bosses.”

What?  Some really activist judge is a covert mob boss who wantonly throws abortions and fetal tissue at unsuspecting litigants?  I sure do hope Doc or Marty can answer this question!  I care not to hear some alta kaka rant about certain consequences the likes of which the Earth has never seen.  I mean, what do we become?  Assholes?

SCOTUSblog reports that Wood’s RICO ruling “was a judgment primarily about injunctive relief and the breadth of the racketeering statute, not on the right to provide an abortion or to protest.”

Well  I never!  Such is far too sober analysis from Marty and Doc over at the American Bar Association for me to take seriously.   Simply, this “objective” legal punditry (the ABA is known for outrageous claims and sharp wit) has not yet proven to have set things in their proper order in the Cosmos.  A hole exists in the space-time continuum.

Clearly, the Right has done their homework and has brought us the future.  Now, if only they could go back in time to a moonlit manger in Kenya.

Pittsburgh Steelers Linebacker James Harrison Trades Obama For 5th Round Pick And A Psychologist’s Wet Dream

May 18, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Roll The Tape!

Much like Miami Dolphins superstar linebacker Joey Porter after he nearly snubbed then President Bush when the Steelers won the Title a few years back, James Harrison takes a similar stance.  The only difference being, Harrison decided to skip seeing President Obama’s White House ceremony with The Steelers.  Well that and, Harrison’s a  retard:

“I don’t feel the need to go, actually,” Harrison told Pittsburgh station WTAE-TV. “I don’t feel like it’s that big a deal to me.”

Harrison is known for being an individualist whose on-field sullenness sometimes extends off the field as well.

Harrison, a backup at the time, and quarterback Tommy Maddox were among a handful of players who skipped the traditional White House visit by the Super Bowl champions in 2006. Maddox apparently was unhappy at being released after the season ended, although several other players who also weren’t with the Steelers any longer attended.

Former Steelers linebacker Joey Porter created a stir before that White House visit by saying he intended to tell Bush he didn’t like how the country was being run. Porter chose not to make those comments, but he wore dark sunglasses throughout the ceremony.

After Harrison’s big pay day, he was free to speak his “mind.”  Despite whatever consistencies you might see in his actions from president to president, rumors have surfaced he intends to join The Whig Party.   I mean, it could be argued this is a brilliant P.R. move to rid the country of the horrific two-party system.  It’s a Cube rumor exclusive.

Harrison’s goes by the affectionate nickname, “Deebo” — a Xanax popping loafer in the film, “Friday.”  He also played for the Rhein Fire in the defunct NFL Europa.  Most African-Americans learn valuable life lessons in Germany.

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How To Fix A 9/11 Joke

May 11, 2009

Tommy Christopher properly comments on the tragic events of March 23, 2001 today in his criticism of Wanda Sykes at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

What Mr. Christopher fails to do is explain how to fix a 9/11 Joke.

Sorry.  I mean a 3/23 Joke.

Thankfully, a libertarian and Glen Beck masturbator, brings us a documentary crystallizing exactly how to turn around a joke about planes smashing into a buildings and killing thousands of people.  Like me, you too can make mass murder with a beard and some box-cutters fun for the whole family.

Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State

May 11, 2009
obamaspock

Salon.com

The trouble with drivels.

An “article” caught my gnat-egg attention span long enough to spot this huge pile of cyber-chlamydia worth mentioning here on this scholarly blog.

Warner Todd Huston, a blogger at Red State [herenafter referred to as “Red Planet”], had a massive upheaval of beanies and weenies, bile, barbed-wire, and a bullshit objection to a private screening of Star Trek at The White House.

Ladies and Gentleman.  Cyber-Trekkies of all ages!  Step right up and witness the most ginormous and eye-popping title for an article worthy of submission to The Guinness Book Of World Records:  “Noblesse Obligee:  The One Wants his OWN Star Trek Showing.  I know Spock Mr. Obama.  You Are No Spock.”

Look, before I block quote and briefly disembowel this faux-piece, I do so realizing it will be more fun to agree with Red Planet.  Argument from an absurdity is not Warner Todd Huston’s (of Compton, L.A originally perhaps) intent when he penned his prose.  The effect is the unintentional surfacing of ramblings resembling a low-grade moron.  An absurdity.  Harleywash.  A fellow so bent on keeping Star Trek to himself, his use of  post hoc reasoning is as close to the word “logic” he will ever get.

I will repeat this later, but it bears mentioning now:  There is absolutely no defense, none, to the Red Planet endorsement of this work as being funny.  One, Red Planet is incapable of comedy.  Two, this isn’t funny unless you like limp penises.  C) You have no defenses except my better argument on your side at the end of my brilliance.

Therefore, much like this avante garde wordsmith, shortly I shall literally agree with the Prince of willful blindness.  Why?  Why not?  It elucidates the evil Star Trek analysis to a tee when done by me.  I love playing The Devil’s Advocate.

But first, off to leave intensives all over cyberspace and eviscerate Red Planet.  Here’s what this blogger, like me, Dickens all over the place:

Of course, it all makes one wonder how one of Star Trek’s titular characters might view Obama’s demands? One might imagine that the self-centered assumptions of privilege would not be looked upon as anything other than a gross example of the human failing of arrogance born of a too healthy dose of self-esteem.

It’s all not very logical. No, not logical at all,

Yes.  That just occurred to me.  WWFKD?  What Would Fucking Kirk Do?  Perhaps consult the history books and learn that private screenings at The White House have been held since the release of, oh I don’t know, BIRTH OF A NATION?

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