Posts Tagged ‘Celibacy’

The Thorn Birds Part III: Father Cutie Converts, Marries, Preaches Forgiveness and Fornication (UPDATE: AND GETS SUED)

June 17, 2009

You might remember the story of Miami’s Father Cutie, a/k/a Father “Oprah.” To recap, Father Cutie got caught with his hand in the thong jar and left the Catholic Church for some skank rather than stay true to God.

Good news heathens!  He’s back.  He’s boning.  He’s an Episcopalian preacher man.  And, Padre Cutie exchanged nuptials with his sweetie from the sands of South Beach:

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“Padre Cutie: Victima O Pecador”

May 8, 2009

Horror movies seem to be a recurring theme this Friday The 8th...

Greek to me.

“Victim?”  “Sinner?”  I don’t know.

BREAKING (Not really. I already tracked down this information and so did other conglomerate media-types like Cube.  So, I really don’t understand how blogs ever can really “break” news unless it’s original reporting.  I’m actually writing “BREAKING” in ALL-CAPS and boldface type as I go along.  It just looks better despite being cliche and untrue):

Because the policy of this particular cyberzine is to respect the privacy of Father Cutie’s mistress, I can not tell you her name is “Ruhama Canellis” or that she lives in the “300 block of 20th Street” in Miami.  You see, other newspapers report on what other television stations reported here.  Those hacks are the ones who burn the identity of Father Cutie’s sex slave and put her on video.  I am only reporting on what another newspaper reported another television station was reporting.  Totally different.

The Thorn Birds Part II: Miami Vice

May 6, 2009

From The Miami Herald:

The Rev. Alberto Cutié, a national figure with movie star looks, was removed from his Miami Beach church Tuesday after photographs appeared in a magazine showing him frolicking with a woman in the sand on a Florida beach.

A wildly popular Catholic priest, newspaper columnist and radio and television personality, Cutié will no longer run operations or say Sunday Mass at St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church.

Word of Cutié’s punishment came during a brief news conference in front of a small gathering of reporters at the Archdiocese of Miami headquarters on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami Shores.

”The vow of celibacy is part of the ordination,” said spokeswoman Mary Ross Agosta. “A man who is a priest is able to totally focus on the church.”

So the Priest tapped some ass.  Big deal.  If we can perform face-transplant surgeries, I think the time has come to end the vow of celibacy.

Demonstrations supporting Father Cutie are planned for tomorrow according to local television reports (except they don’t print what they telecast).

Artfully, I pose to you this very issue

Pictures of Father Cutie’s Cutie after the jump…

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