Posts Tagged ‘Animal Cruelty’

“Moo Means No!” — Cow Testifies Against Officer Who Raped Her

August 5, 2009


Official Transcript

The Court: You may proceed.

Cow: Moo.  Moo.

Mr. Dickstein:  Thank you.  Um, Madam Cow, you claim Patrolman Robert Melia  mooed you is that correct?

Cow:  Moo.

Mr. Dickstein: I guess you don’t find it funny that he mooed you in a town called Moorestown do you?

Cow: Moo Moo.

Mr. Dickstein:  I mean, it is New Jersey.

Cow: Moooooooooo.

Mr. Dickstein: Would you like a Kleenex?  It’s not your fault you’re from Jersey and wear cheap lipstick from 1982.

Cow: Moo Moo.

Mr. Dickstein:  I have one last question Your Honor.

The Court: Give the poor girl some grass and proceed counselor.

Mr. Bovine: Objection!  Leading the winess.

Mr. Dickstein:  I was just taking her to our inner courtroom pasture.

The Court: Overruled.  I’ll give you wide latitude.

Mr. Bovine: (mumbling) I’ll bet Cow has some wide latitude.

The Court: What was that Mr. Bovine?

Mr. Bovine: Nothing.

The Court: Continue.

Mr. Dickstein: Thank you.  Cow, did Patroman Melia moo you four times on four separate occasions?  Moo or Moo Moo.  Answer the question!

Cow: Moo!  Moo!  Moo!   Mooooo Moooo Moooo Mooooo Moooooo.

Mr. Dickstein:  Let the record relect that was a single “Moo.”  Someone get her a Kleenex.

Did you consent?  Did you say “Moo?” Or, ‘Moo Moo?”

Cow:  Moo Moo!

Mr. Dickstein: Thank you.  Nothing further.

Cow. Moooooooooooooooooooooooo.  Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

WHEREUPON, udder converstations were held off the record.