Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Forgive Me CBS For I Have Sinned. Maybe.

May 13, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

While Father Cutie does not want to be the poster child against celibacy, he still channels Richard Chamberlain in the CBS interview.  Just like star-crossed Thorn Birds, Father Cutie (which is a much better name than “Father Ralph”) is conflicted about his love for God, Church, Catholicism, and his courtesan.  He also shares Father Ralph’s penchant for using his finger as a rectal thermometer on the beautiful and very private beaches of Miami.

Father Cutie consistently articulates his view on theology that’s been upheld since time immemorial: The vow of celibacy for a priest is sacred, but boning a woman can be optional.

Yakety Sax Versus Everything

May 11, 2009

Dennis DiClaudio, Headmaster At The University Of Indecision, wrote an article falsely criticizing a Sarah Palin ad which criticized Mitt Romney:

Unless I’m just being dense and missing some huge piece of symbolism (Romney = Bear?) here this somewhat inscrutable homemade video — presumably created by a Sarah Palin supporter — doesn’t appear to say very much.

Respectfully, I dissent.  *For the record, I don’t believe I’ve ever disagreed with Indy.

Anything with Yakety Sax works.  Even for discombobulated bear prowling political Mitt Romney/Sarah Palin jogging videos…

How about Yakety Sax and 9/11?  Yuppers.

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Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State

May 11, 2009
obamaspock

Salon.com

The trouble with drivels.

An “article” caught my gnat-egg attention span long enough to spot this huge pile of cyber-chlamydia worth mentioning here on this scholarly blog.

Warner Todd Huston, a blogger at Red State [herenafter referred to as “Red Planet”], had a massive upheaval of beanies and weenies, bile, barbed-wire, and a bullshit objection to a private screening of Star Trek at The White House.

Ladies and Gentleman.  Cyber-Trekkies of all ages!  Step right up and witness the most ginormous and eye-popping title for an article worthy of submission to The Guinness Book Of World Records:  “Noblesse Obligee:  The One Wants his OWN Star Trek Showing.  I know Spock Mr. Obama.  You Are No Spock.”

Look, before I block quote and briefly disembowel this faux-piece, I do so realizing it will be more fun to agree with Red Planet.  Argument from an absurdity is not Warner Todd Huston’s (of Compton, L.A originally perhaps) intent when he penned his prose.  The effect is the unintentional surfacing of ramblings resembling a low-grade moron.  An absurdity.  Harleywash.  A fellow so bent on keeping Star Trek to himself, his use of  post hoc reasoning is as close to the word “logic” he will ever get.

I will repeat this later, but it bears mentioning now:  There is absolutely no defense, none, to the Red Planet endorsement of this work as being funny.  One, Red Planet is incapable of comedy.  Two, this isn’t funny unless you like limp penises.  C) You have no defenses except my better argument on your side at the end of my brilliance.

Therefore, much like this avante garde wordsmith, shortly I shall literally agree with the Prince of willful blindness.  Why?  Why not?  It elucidates the evil Star Trek analysis to a tee when done by me.  I love playing The Devil’s Advocate.

But first, off to leave intensives all over cyberspace and eviscerate Red Planet.  Here’s what this blogger, like me, Dickens all over the place:

Of course, it all makes one wonder how one of Star Trek’s titular characters might view Obama’s demands? One might imagine that the self-centered assumptions of privilege would not be looked upon as anything other than a gross example of the human failing of arrogance born of a too healthy dose of self-esteem.

It’s all not very logical. No, not logical at all,

Yes.  That just occurred to me.  WWFKD?  What Would Fucking Kirk Do?  Perhaps consult the history books and learn that private screenings at The White House have been held since the release of, oh I don’t know, BIRTH OF A NATION?

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Happy Mother’s Day!

May 10, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

If your Mom has the AIDS, she will love this.  If you do not see any visible lesions, I still recommend singing this for her.  Happy Mother’s Day from the staff at Cube.

I’m talking ’bout Cube.

Cube Tired: Feel Around

May 7, 2009

Just got off with Gladstone!  Saturday night will be excellent.  Scroll down to Unusable Signal to check it out.  If you love Cracked.com, or all things funny as shit, you will be stoked.  He’s a riot.  Whatever ales you, feel around.

The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist?

May 6, 2009

adamAre you kidding me?  Adam Lambert is gay?  Did not know that.  No clue.  Total curveball.

God smites me.  I rooted for that blind kid to fall into the orchestra pit after he made it to the final nine on American Idol.  Why me God?

Heathen be gone!  While some reporters have just awoken to this Holy Terror upon learning who is in the Final Four, David Knowles, of Paradigms Lost, rightfully questioned whether America (not the real America I know) is ready for a gay American Idol some time ago.

That was the question put to readers in The New York Times’ Sunday Styles section this week. The gay teen idol in question is, of course, Adam Lambert. Pictures of Mr. Lambert—easily the most artistically gifted of all of this season’s performers— “tongue-wrestling” another man have been spread, virus-like, across the internet over the past few weeks. Still, whatever his sexual orientation, Lambert seems poised to run away with this year’s competition.

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Sunday Funnies: Lisa Lampanelli And Simon Cowell

May 3, 2009

More Lampanelli after the jump.  To cyberspace.

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Tony Clifton Lives!

May 1, 2009

I knew it.  I knew it.  I knew it.

Tony Clifton, a completely different person clearly not Andy Kaufman, is alive and well… on Twitter.

Be sure to say hello to my hooker who works hard for the money, “Rawls The Whore.”

Liveblog Obama With An Aristocrat!

April 29, 2009
"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

Tonight, to commemorate President Obama’s 100 days in office, I’ll be reading the poetic stylings of Gonzalo Cordova on his Liveblog at Comedy Central’s Indecision.  Big Daddy starts his teleprompted special at 8:00 EST.   I will be naked. UPDATE:  Yeah.  My folks stopped by, so I couldn’t really elucidate my thoughts on fingering Michelle Obama.  Humbly, I apologize.

The show will be on every major channel  but FOX.  They are broadcasting Lie To Me — a show about subliminal messages.  How fucking cool is FOX?

So, you might be looking at the above caption.   Thinking it rude or crass.  Don’t blame Gonzalo for speaking truth to power.   He and his team of scientists had to work plenty hard to decipher President Obams’s body language.  I mean, it’s The First Lady’s vagina.   Gonzalo’s skills will come in handy when Obama meets with Chavez.

This picture is my favorite memory of President Obama’s first 100 days.  What’s yours?

UPDATE PART DEUX!  I’ll be liveblogging here too.  Feel free to write one-liners as Barack does his thang.  I don’t care what your political persuasion is, just make it funny kids.  It reminds me of something…

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Unusable Signal With Cube Lineup

April 25, 2009

unusable-signal3

I.  The Torture Debate

-Empirical Proof

-Normative Analysis

-The “Ticking Bomb” Scenario

-The “Train Switch” Hypothetical

-“Torture Warrant” Theory

-What Constitutes Torture?

-The Problems With Criminal Prosecutions As A Matter Of Law

-Bybee, Pelosi, Attorneys, Officials, Agents, New York Times Article.

II  Trolls

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