Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Artie Lange Rapes Joe Buck, Apology Unlikely

June 16, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

What’s in a word?

The New York Times does a great job analyzing Artie Lange’s hijack of Joe Buck’s premier on HBO as he took over Costas Live:

Michael Irvin, in the audience after being part of a segment with Bengals receiver Chad Johnson following the Favre interview, could only laugh at the spectacle.

“It’s refreshing to see white-on-white crime,” he said.

Lange’s shtick, which will be dissected with Stern on Tuesday morning, will be compared — for the attention it has created — to last year’s confrontation over blogging on “Costas Now” between the writer Buzz Bissinger and Will Leitch, then of Deadspin.

Bissinger kept erupting, creating a fascinating tableau of righteous anger.

But the Lange incident — which benefited from the artistic freedom that HBO provides — was not about any particular issue; it was about Lange’s decision that the stage was his to seize. Buck said: “It’s an unfortunate thing that happened. But it’s live. If it were taped, nobody would have seen it.”

Look, sometimes a rape victim suffers from Stockholm Syndrome.  We should all pray for Joe Buck, but I have a feeling he’ll be begging for Lange’s return.  It’s a vicious cycle these talk show hosts go through.


Janice Dickinson’s A Celebrity… Get Her Bowel Movement Out Of There!

June 16, 2009

angieHere at Cube, our ethics policy requires honest reporting, unique perspectives, and unfiltered, unbiased prose destined to cut through the gobbledygook of Main Stream Media.  Janice Dickinson, model and celebrity in NBC’s, “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here,” had to get out of there.  I mean, real bad.  The poor lady couldn’t take a dump for seven days straight.

Without pause, the Emmy nominators better loosen that stuffy persona and nominate  Ms. Dickinson for best acting while having to take a really huge shit.  Half of the show last night focused on Janice’s “distended” belly and a blockage of poo in her colon.  A timely close-up of fellow celeb Sanjaya Malakar portrayed his compassion as he tried to massage the cement-like mix of rice and beans through her digestive system.  Mrs. Blago, often portrayed as some sort of villain in the media, had nothing but empathy for this brown mound lost somewhere hopefully near the anal cavity of my new-found favorite celebrity (who likes to talk about G.I. issues without remorse).

In a shocking turn of events, despite trying to gut it out, ambulances had to take Ms. Dickinson away after she vomited all over the rainforest in Costa Rica.  While she claimed she wasn’t “practicing” her modeling skills, I had the feeling Janice was doing the profession proud.

It was announced she had a viral infection as she was whisked away by an ambulance coupled with  a riveting grainy scene of a slow-motion I.V. drip.  But, they never told us whether she evacuated.

The show?  She came back.  And tomorrow night, we are left to decide my hero’s fate.  Her stool?  Compacted chance outstanding.

I had been lackadaisical in my coverage of Janice’s bodily functions up to this point.  I have poop-scooped my non-arch nemesis, Jezebel.  In an article entitled, “Janice Dicinson Pisses Where She Sleeps” they (like me) hit us with the cold hard facts:

Janice woke up in the middle of the night, squat beside her bed, and peed in the middle of the group’s camp. Later, she threatened to take a shit on Daniel Baldwin’s pillow.

Video after the jump…


Lessons On Autoerotic Asphyxiation (Not Mentioning Names)

June 15, 2009

Grasshopper!  Grasshopper!  Grasshopper!

😦 grasshopper.

Too Soon?

Happy 100th Post! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Monster Trucks (No Queers)

June 8, 2009

And that’s the reason we don’t have gays in the military.

Have no fears queers!  The Supreme Court didn’t really stick it to the gays.  Ask any Law Dork what the denial of cert means:  Answer:  “Not Much”

Perhaps they should go back in time to 1950 and ask some little black boys and girls how they felt about not being allowed to openly go on a white-only playground.

Mr. Rogers’ Internet

June 8, 2009

Ahhh… dreams of a Utopian internet.

It’s no secret that I like to get to know people — and not just the outside stuff of their lives.  I like to try to understand the meaning of who people are and what they’re saying to me.  — Fred Rogers, The World According To Mr. Rogers, page 135 (2004)

Wouldn’t it be nice?

Then again, this is pretty nice too…


Talking Points: Socialist, Racist, Fill in The Blank(ist)

May 29, 2009

We know Judge Sonia Sotomayor is a Socialist.  Proved that right here on Cube.  But, did you know she’s a racist?

Sotomayor’s a card-carrying, cross-burning, tar and feathering,  hooded Hispanic female in the Klu Klux Klan who must be stopped.  Like, the time has come and shit.  Execute Order 66.

It’s filibuster time.


Homo Is The Nigger Of The World

May 21, 2009

When Adam Lambert lost American Idol last night, I couldn’t help but think of John and this famous 1972 performance on The Dick Cavett Show.  Before singing what is still today considered a controversial tune, Lennon explains what he meant when he wrote that song — women are still better than the gays.

Just read up on Brian Epstein and psychological projection.  It’s a salacious rumor which means it probably is true.

I had a conversation with someone on “Unusable Signal” who did not see a parallel (without respect to Idol) between Jim Crow and the treatment of homosexuals today.  Of course I agreed with him.  The very definition of Jim Crow must encompass separate drinking fountains and the like.  Short of that, the analogy holds no water and I cannot think of one recent example of basic rights being denied to gays.

I am certain a statistically significant number of people did not vote for Adam because of his sexual orientation causing him to lose.  Local Fox coverage after the show did not mention this issue once.  Not a word?  The lack of discussion evinces fear of the real discussion.

It’s a mad world.

Pittsburgh Steelers Linebacker James Harrison Trades Obama For 5th Round Pick And A Psychologist’s Wet Dream

May 18, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Roll The Tape!

Much like Miami Dolphins superstar linebacker Joey Porter after he nearly snubbed then President Bush when the Steelers won the Title a few years back, James Harrison takes a similar stance.  The only difference being, Harrison decided to skip seeing President Obama’s White House ceremony with The Steelers.  Well that and, Harrison’s a  retard:

“I don’t feel the need to go, actually,” Harrison told Pittsburgh station WTAE-TV. “I don’t feel like it’s that big a deal to me.”

Harrison is known for being an individualist whose on-field sullenness sometimes extends off the field as well.

Harrison, a backup at the time, and quarterback Tommy Maddox were among a handful of players who skipped the traditional White House visit by the Super Bowl champions in 2006. Maddox apparently was unhappy at being released after the season ended, although several other players who also weren’t with the Steelers any longer attended.

Former Steelers linebacker Joey Porter created a stir before that White House visit by saying he intended to tell Bush he didn’t like how the country was being run. Porter chose not to make those comments, but he wore dark sunglasses throughout the ceremony.

After Harrison’s big pay day, he was free to speak his “mind.”  Despite whatever consistencies you might see in his actions from president to president, rumors have surfaced he intends to join The Whig Party.   I mean, it could be argued this is a brilliant P.R. move to rid the country of the horrific two-party system.  It’s a Cube rumor exclusive.

Harrison’s goes by the affectionate nickname, “Deebo” — a Xanax popping loafer in the film, “Friday.”  He also played for the Rhein Fire in the defunct NFL Europa.  Most African-Americans learn valuable life lessons in Germany.


Michael Steele Admits To Being A Socialist

May 17, 2009
Socialists Welcome Michael Steele To The Party

Socialists Welcome Michael Steele To The Party

On Sunday’s Meet The Press With David Gregory, Michael Steele was asked how he felt about the R.N.C. considering a motion to rename The Democratic Party to “Something, Something, Socialist Party.”  In a dramatic turn of events from his prior statements concerning Socialism, Steele remained consistent and tried to cast a wide net  encompassing a  philosophy espousing many viewpoints.  Surely that is not The Republican Party I know.

The Grand Old As Dirt Party Chairman rebuked Republicans for “name-calling” in this regard, but did comment on  Tim Kaine having a “freakish eyebrow.”  Like Michael Jackson avoiding his father’s punches, Steele moonwalked away from Dick Cheney’s comments concerning his preference for having Rush Limbaugh in the party over Colin Powel.

While Steele might be having a hard time pitching a tent, clearly that is not the only problem of impotence the Republicans have.  The constant infighting being aired for all to see is basically free advertising for Viagra or for more favorable writing on the hate mongering bafoon, Ms. Califonia, who is moving on to working with the blind.

Clearly, Michael Steele’s breaking ranks with  Cheney, Limbaugh, Palin, and other R.N.C. leaders means he is against them.

Ergot, Michael Steele is a Jane Fonda dry-humping, gay, commie, liberal, Gulag-dwelling, terrorist-loving, scumbag Socialist.

Like me.

EAM: From The Pat Buchanan Broadcast Network: Mika Brzezinski’s Dad NWO Manipulator

May 13, 2009

pjb-banner-donate01If Patrick J. Buchanan’s blog, “right from the beginning,” is not part of your daily routine, you’re obviously a gay, time-traveling, black dude.

Everything was going far too reasonably well to my grave disappointment.  I clicked on Pat’s head located prominently on my desktop so as to hastily take me to righteousness.  I had been derelict in my duties and did not check Pat’s blog at the beginning of my day.  I mean, I want to be right.  Don’t you?

First post:  Total puff piece.  It can be summed up as follows: Barack is great, but the rest of the Democrats are the spawn of Satan.  Especially that bitch Pelosi.  So far, so good.

Second post:  “Jim Crow Liberalism.”  This article is about Whitey swinging from a tree.  Ok.  I’m with ya’ Patrick.

Third post:  “VIDEO: Emergency Broadcast: New World Order Ahead.”  No.  No. No.  No.  No. Emergency.  Stranger Danger!  Stranger Danger!

I have to tell you, whenever the score from Requiem For A Dream begins to play, I immediately think of sawing off my arm and watching a big, black, dildo being shoved into Jennifer Connelly’s ass in the name of smack.  Oh, and electro-shock therapy.  Contrary to what you might think, I only really enjoy the visions conjured up from that serene film.   But seriously, if you haven’t seen Requiem, you wouldn’t understand why I curl into the fetal position, take a shower, and scrub myself all bloody-like.  Basically, we’re gonna die.

Of course I know the New World Order is here.  Duh.  But, what I didn’t know was that Mika Brzezinski’s father was in on the plot to “manipulate” the planet and rule the world.   Because of Patrick J. Buchanan, that shit stops right here y’all.

You can view the evidence of Morning Joe moles at the 9:10  mark of the Emergency Action Message.  Oh, Holocaust pleasantries can be found at 7:45.  It’s a hoot.

I have only one suggestion for Mr. Buchanan who “rightly” believes in the total domination of the world by a few money whores:  Yakety Sax works much better when you accuse your host’s father of causing the destruction of the free world as we know it.  I think it was Hitler who said it best: “Laughter is the best medicine.”

That, and the real N.W.O. is after the jump Buchanan…