Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

6 Green Avatars You Need To Destroy Iran

June 20, 2009

twitter_bird_dead

With everyone all up on the twitter tip when it comes to their green tinted avatars, we here at Cube have some items you should totally consider in our revolution to overthrow Iran.  This show of solidarity is far more important than utilizing twitter as some technological means to advance a just cause.  In fact, I loathe the argument that going green for freedom somehow makes the twitterer in question an easier mark for Iranian agents waiting in the bushes to slit your throat and pull your tounge down through your neck and use it as a falafel.  They call that, an “Iranian Necktie.”  Keeping the possibility of your assassination at bay for a moment, because that threat is imminent and real, here are some items for your consideration:

6. Vibratex Koi Vibrator

greendildo

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The Thorn Birds Part III: Father Cutie Converts, Marries, Preaches Forgiveness and Fornication (UPDATE: AND GETS SUED)

June 17, 2009

You might remember the story of Miami’s Father Cutie, a/k/a Father “Oprah.” To recap, Father Cutie got caught with his hand in the thong jar and left the Catholic Church for some skank rather than stay true to God.

Good news heathens!  He’s back.  He’s boning.  He’s an Episcopalian preacher man.  And, Padre Cutie exchanged nuptials with his sweetie from the sands of South Beach:

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Lessons On Autoerotic Asphyxiation (Not Mentioning Names)

June 15, 2009

Grasshopper!  Grasshopper!  Grasshopper!

😦 grasshopper.

Too Soon?

Happy 100th Post! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Monster Trucks (No Queers)

June 8, 2009

And that’s the reason we don’t have gays in the military.

Have no fears queers!  The Supreme Court didn’t really stick it to the gays.  Ask any Law Dork what the denial of cert means:  Answer:  “Not Much”

Perhaps they should go back in time to 1950 and ask some little black boys and girls how they felt about not being allowed to openly go on a white-only playground.

EAM: From The Pat Buchanan Broadcast Network: Mika Brzezinski’s Dad NWO Manipulator

May 13, 2009

pjb-banner-donate01If Patrick J. Buchanan’s blog, “right from the beginning,” is not part of your daily routine, you’re obviously a gay, time-traveling, black dude.

Everything was going far too reasonably well to my grave disappointment.  I clicked on Pat’s head located prominently on my desktop so as to hastily take me to righteousness.  I had been derelict in my duties and did not check Pat’s blog at the beginning of my day.  I mean, I want to be right.  Don’t you?

First post:  Total puff piece.  It can be summed up as follows: Barack is great, but the rest of the Democrats are the spawn of Satan.  Especially that bitch Pelosi.  So far, so good.

Second post:  “Jim Crow Liberalism.”  This article is about Whitey swinging from a tree.  Ok.  I’m with ya’ Patrick.

Third post:  “VIDEO: Emergency Broadcast: New World Order Ahead.”  No.  No. No.  No.  No. Emergency.  Stranger Danger!  Stranger Danger!

I have to tell you, whenever the score from Requiem For A Dream begins to play, I immediately think of sawing off my arm and watching a big, black, dildo being shoved into Jennifer Connelly’s ass in the name of smack.  Oh, and electro-shock therapy.  Contrary to what you might think, I only really enjoy the visions conjured up from that serene film.   But seriously, if you haven’t seen Requiem, you wouldn’t understand why I curl into the fetal position, take a shower, and scrub myself all bloody-like.  Basically, we’re gonna die.

Of course I know the New World Order is here.  Duh.  But, what I didn’t know was that Mika Brzezinski’s father was in on the plot to “manipulate” the planet and rule the world.   Because of Patrick J. Buchanan, that shit stops right here y’all.

You can view the evidence of Morning Joe moles at the 9:10  mark of the Emergency Action Message.  Oh, Holocaust pleasantries can be found at 7:45.  It’s a hoot.

I have only one suggestion for Mr. Buchanan who “rightly” believes in the total domination of the world by a few money whores:  Yakety Sax works much better when you accuse your host’s father of causing the destruction of the free world as we know it.  I think it was Hitler who said it best: “Laughter is the best medicine.”

That, and the real N.W.O. is after the jump Buchanan…

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Forgive Me CBS For I Have Sinned. Maybe.

May 13, 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

While Father Cutie does not want to be the poster child against celibacy, he still channels Richard Chamberlain in the CBS interview.  Just like star-crossed Thorn Birds, Father Cutie (which is a much better name than “Father Ralph”) is conflicted about his love for God, Church, Catholicism, and his courtesan.  He also shares Father Ralph’s penchant for using his finger as a rectal thermometer on the beautiful and very private beaches of Miami.

Father Cutie consistently articulates his view on theology that’s been upheld since time immemorial: The vow of celibacy for a priest is sacred, but boning a woman can be optional.

How To Fix A 9/11 Joke

May 11, 2009

Tommy Christopher properly comments on the tragic events of March 23, 2001 today in his criticism of Wanda Sykes at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

What Mr. Christopher fails to do is explain how to fix a 9/11 Joke.

Sorry.  I mean a 3/23 Joke.

Thankfully, a libertarian and Glen Beck masturbator, brings us a documentary crystallizing exactly how to turn around a joke about planes smashing into a buildings and killing thousands of people.  Like me, you too can make mass murder with a beard and some box-cutters fun for the whole family.

Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State

May 11, 2009
obamaspock

Salon.com

The trouble with drivels.

An “article” caught my gnat-egg attention span long enough to spot this huge pile of cyber-chlamydia worth mentioning here on this scholarly blog.

Warner Todd Huston, a blogger at Red State [herenafter referred to as “Red Planet”], had a massive upheaval of beanies and weenies, bile, barbed-wire, and a bullshit objection to a private screening of Star Trek at The White House.

Ladies and Gentleman.  Cyber-Trekkies of all ages!  Step right up and witness the most ginormous and eye-popping title for an article worthy of submission to The Guinness Book Of World Records:  “Noblesse Obligee:  The One Wants his OWN Star Trek Showing.  I know Spock Mr. Obama.  You Are No Spock.”

Look, before I block quote and briefly disembowel this faux-piece, I do so realizing it will be more fun to agree with Red Planet.  Argument from an absurdity is not Warner Todd Huston’s (of Compton, L.A originally perhaps) intent when he penned his prose.  The effect is the unintentional surfacing of ramblings resembling a low-grade moron.  An absurdity.  Harleywash.  A fellow so bent on keeping Star Trek to himself, his use of  post hoc reasoning is as close to the word “logic” he will ever get.

I will repeat this later, but it bears mentioning now:  There is absolutely no defense, none, to the Red Planet endorsement of this work as being funny.  One, Red Planet is incapable of comedy.  Two, this isn’t funny unless you like limp penises.  C) You have no defenses except my better argument on your side at the end of my brilliance.

Therefore, much like this avante garde wordsmith, shortly I shall literally agree with the Prince of willful blindness.  Why?  Why not?  It elucidates the evil Star Trek analysis to a tee when done by me.  I love playing The Devil’s Advocate.

But first, off to leave intensives all over cyberspace and eviscerate Red Planet.  Here’s what this blogger, like me, Dickens all over the place:

Of course, it all makes one wonder how one of Star Trek’s titular characters might view Obama’s demands? One might imagine that the self-centered assumptions of privilege would not be looked upon as anything other than a gross example of the human failing of arrogance born of a too healthy dose of self-esteem.

It’s all not very logical. No, not logical at all,

Yes.  That just occurred to me.  WWFKD?  What Would Fucking Kirk Do?  Perhaps consult the history books and learn that private screenings at The White House have been held since the release of, oh I don’t know, BIRTH OF A NATION?

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“Padre Cutie: Victima O Pecador”

May 8, 2009

Horror movies seem to be a recurring theme this Friday The 8th...

Greek to me.

“Victim?”  “Sinner?”  I don’t know.

BREAKING (Not really. I already tracked down this information and so did other conglomerate media-types like Cube.  So, I really don’t understand how blogs ever can really “break” news unless it’s original reporting.  I’m actually writing “BREAKING” in ALL-CAPS and boldface type as I go along.  It just looks better despite being cliche and untrue):

Because the policy of this particular cyberzine is to respect the privacy of Father Cutie’s mistress, I can not tell you her name is “Ruhama Canellis” or that she lives in the “300 block of 20th Street” in Miami.  You see, other newspapers report on what other television stations reported here.  Those hacks are the ones who burn the identity of Father Cutie’s sex slave and put her on video.  I am only reporting on what another newspaper reported another television station was reporting.  Totally different.

Cube Tired: Feel Around

May 7, 2009

Just got off with Gladstone!  Saturday night will be excellent.  Scroll down to Unusable Signal to check it out.  If you love Cracked.com, or all things funny as shit, you will be stoked.  He’s a riot.  Whatever ales you, feel around.