Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State


The trouble with drivels.

An “article” caught my gnat-egg attention span long enough to spot this huge pile of cyber-chlamydia worth mentioning here on this scholarly blog.

Warner Todd Huston, a blogger at Red State [herenafter referred to as “Red Planet”], had a massive upheaval of beanies and weenies, bile, barbed-wire, and a bullshit objection to a private screening of Star Trek at The White House.

Ladies and Gentleman.  Cyber-Trekkies of all ages!  Step right up and witness the most ginormous and eye-popping title for an article worthy of submission to The Guinness Book Of World Records:  “Noblesse Obligee:  The One Wants his OWN Star Trek Showing.  I know Spock Mr. Obama.  You Are No Spock.”

Look, before I block quote and briefly disembowel this faux-piece, I do so realizing it will be more fun to agree with Red Planet.  Argument from an absurdity is not Warner Todd Huston’s (of Compton, L.A originally perhaps) intent when he penned his prose.  The effect is the unintentional surfacing of ramblings resembling a low-grade moron.  An absurdity.  Harleywash.  A fellow so bent on keeping Star Trek to himself, his use of  post hoc reasoning is as close to the word “logic” he will ever get.

I will repeat this later, but it bears mentioning now:  There is absolutely no defense, none, to the Red Planet endorsement of this work as being funny.  One, Red Planet is incapable of comedy.  Two, this isn’t funny unless you like limp penises.  C) You have no defenses except my better argument on your side at the end of my brilliance.

Therefore, much like this avante garde wordsmith, shortly I shall literally agree with the Prince of willful blindness.  Why?  Why not?  It elucidates the evil Star Trek analysis to a tee when done by me.  I love playing The Devil’s Advocate.

But first, off to leave intensives all over cyberspace and eviscerate Red Planet.  Here’s what this blogger, like me, Dickens all over the place:

Of course, it all makes one wonder how one of Star Trek’s titular characters might view Obama’s demands? One might imagine that the self-centered assumptions of privilege would not be looked upon as anything other than a gross example of the human failing of arrogance born of a too healthy dose of self-esteem.

It’s all not very logical. No, not logical at all,

Yes.  That just occurred to me.  WWFKD?  What Would Fucking Kirk Do?  Perhaps consult the history books and learn that private screenings at The White House have been held since the release of, oh I don’t know, BIRTH OF A NATION?

The family theater was converted from a long cloakroom in 1942 when the current East Wing building was constructed. It overlooks the sculpture garden that Hillary Clinton established. It has about 40 well-upholstered seats, set behind four big armchairs originally installed by Dwight Eisenhower. For many years, the decor was dominated by white curtains with a red floral design, but in 2004, it got a makeover in red.

LBJ filming a speech on Vietnam in 1968
(Tom Atkins)

The room is occasionally used to rehearse major speeches, like the State of the Union address each January, but much more often it is where the first family can indulge in one of the luxuries of the job—a movie of their choice screened at any time of day and night for themselves and their guests, often sent direct from Hollywood before its release.

When the first East Wing was built in 1902, this part of the gallery was used as a cloakroom for the many coats and hats of guests visiting the mansion. Guests would proceed into the ground floor of the Residence and assemble in what are today the Library (ladies’ parlor) and Vermeil Room (gentlemen’s parlor) before the event officially began.

(adapted from the Guardian Unlimited)

The first film to be shown inside the White House was The Birth of a Nation, a racist epic that celebrates the Ku Klux Klan as America’s saviors. Woodrow Wilson screened it in 1915 (probably in the second floor Central Hall), in part to repay a political debt to southern supporters, and such choices have tainted his place in American history ever since.

After the jump to warp speed (hahahahahaha, your hackneyed cliches were cliche before they became foreseeable cliche Mr. Logical!) I’ll be happy to show you some pictures of President Bush, Kennedy, Clinton, Eisenhower, and others who have all screened movies, not gone to crowded theaters, and that’s been done since movies were invented.  By every president.  You’re going to have to find someone to remove that broomstick from your rectum.  Sir.

I’m just going to say it before agreeing with this blogger.  I hardly ever use the following word: “Lie.”

Red Planet lies.  Busted.  Here on Cube.  Your hack site won’t make a shit’s difference at all for anything.  I’d rather piss my money into Limbaugh’s mouth.  You make him look like Jane Fonda.



Hell.  That was harsh.  I mean, all I had to do was visit “The White House Museum.”  You might not have heard of it.  The Official White House Museum Website chronicling the history of the White House Family Theatre.   Nixon screened 400 films there ironically including, All The President’s Men.  No sir ree Boob.  Our friend at Red Planet flat out lies:

Certainly, were I the Übermensch-in-chief, I’d also imagine that these same film producers couldn’t possibly expect me to go to a public theater and be forced to sit with the “people” to see this flick, of course. I’d know that the film’s creators and stars would have the good sense not to expect me to have to sit among the sweaty, loud, unschooled masses, that great unwashed. These filmmakers are smart folks, after all I would know.

So, were I the king of the world, I too would give Paramount Pictures a call and demand that they set up a free, personal screening in my super cool movie house built especially for the president.


This blogger is so full of horse puckey, his eyes must be a deep shade of brown.

One more thing before the fun part.  Hemingway goes on to say:

Of course, I’d have to jettison every ounce of self respect I have as well as fall to a nearly psychotic view of my own superiority to assume that the world should stop and cater to my every whim. I’d have to be completely unaware that my actions could easily be seen as one of arrogance, one that reveals a disregard for those I am supposed to be leading, one that ignores the concept of being a servant to the people.

With that in mind, what does one think when one reads Politico’s latest little report that reveals that President Barack Obama has called the Star Trek folks up asking for his own special, private screening of the franchise re-boot?

I realize you lie to corrupt those with tunnel vision who visit the “site.”   They are inclined to believe such.  You know this.  It’s essentially Red Planet’s stated modus operandi.  However, why your reader’s spinal cords do not make contact with their brain stems, stem from the fact they probably didn’t go to Politico and read Salon or the other articles the blogger cites to.

When one does read Politico and the articles they reference, Behold!  Authors who write pieces of wit and humor (not done by Red Planet — leave the satire defense for yo momma).

In fact, not one media outlet Red Planet cites to as authority even broaches with a scintilla of thought hinting at the bird droppings passed of as writing to a readership I’m convinced ate some bad acid at a Dead Show and are now Born Again.

The blogger manages to turn a great J.J. Abrams flick into a political football that is flat.  Good job Red Planet.  I don’t even feel like doing satire by arguing from the absurd.  The absurdities plopped in the toilet of cyberspace are plenty enough for me to read.

Here are some other pics for you to photoshop:


Way to research your article Friend O!

On second thought, I will switch gears and argue with Care Bears, Fluff and Nuttn’ Sandwiches, and intellect.  Like Red Planet.

Damn you Presidnet Obama!  Sure, you have time to show a little nipple or shoot hoops with the elite basketball players at UNC, but you can’t hang out with Trekkies?  Like every other President?  Bush even put Uhura on staff.

You?  You hire a Jew with a missing… warm personality.

President Obama, while I can’t speak for Red Planet, I think I’ll engage in one of their “open letters” they might use that aren’t really letters but certainly are read by you and all Earthlings.

You are a terrorist President Obama.  How dare you order a movie into the White House Theater?  That you built.  In 1940.

You make statements like “I don’t like Next Generation” when we all know you want to hoard all things Star Trek to yourself.  A liberal, commie, socialist like you treats all Star Trek’s equally.  We here at Red Planet believe only the strong Star Treks should survive.

Transparency?  Transparency my Klingon ass!  Sir.

If you were so transparent, you would admit, like all Real Americans, the guy from Quantum Leap should never have been a captain.  Or whatever.  C’mon.  Scott Bakula’s latest role is on Chuck.  Please tell me you don’t watch Chuck.

What’s that?  You watch Chuck?  That sir, is an impeachable offense.

Red Planet.  Badly going where no amalgamation of brains has gone before.

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33 Responses to “Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State”

  1. Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

    I thought the rapture had beamed all those people up, already.

  2. Michelle Says:

    They have private screenings of movies all the time at the WH…

    didn’t see anyone getting their panties in a wad when Bush did this?

    I tellya, these assholes are taking every thing just way too far…they are way worse towards this president than any group has ever been…

  3. Michelle Says:

    Louie, if only…..

  4. Michelle Says:

    This is why I stay off of the “red planet”, there is something amiss there, something that sucks out the brains of otherwise normal,intellegent people.

  5. Noah "Redface" Rodriguez Says:

    Great Post, Cube!

    I was going to rant about “silly right-wingers” or what have you, but I just had lunch so my vitrol is at a daily low.

  6. PCL Says:

    Excellent, Cube. I was laughing so hard, a great way to start the week.

    Huston’s ‘attempt’ at humor was really sad considering that the mere ‘attempt’ was, in fact, the funniest thing about his article.

  7. Cube Says:

    Thank you everyone. I’m only mad that I could not condense my outrage into some kind of word economy not like a Huge SUV with pimped out rims.

    I am a pimp though.

    I want this to be a comedy blog with politics, but, they forced my hand.

    I honestly couldn’t believe it myself as I read it. I remembered stories about how cool the theater has been for years. Like when I SAW IT FOR MYSELF, WITH MY OWN EYES, UNDER PRESIDENT CLINTON’S TERMS! Red State lied or had a reckless disregard for the truth.

    Too bad Obama’s nice enough not to scour their blog and sue that broke ass website for the nothing they are worth.

    That’s right! You bitches at Red State need a fucking bailout. How much money do you fuckheads generate? How much do you pay your “writers?” What’s that? Nothing? How much does the Chief make. I wonder… WHAT A BUNCH OF UNACCOUNTABLE FUCKS. I only wish you were a real newspaper, with real responsibilities, and I can’t wait for the day someone sues your ass.

  8. Michelle Says:

    ok, Im going to say this here,

    because this is how it all seems to me, in my little peabrain…

    but some of these people, act as if, they are OUTRAGED because the “housenigger” is using the good china and sitting in the rooms for company…

    pardon my lauguage, but this is obviously the mindset of some…so I’ll continue my rant…

    Its as if, these people do not want this man doing anything other than WORKING, which he has done more than any other president sitting in the same time passage…

    Its so blinding, the racism…even when folks decry, Im not a racist…they are…they are..period.

    I have puked so many times on my computer screen today…

    from aborted fetuses fly through the air with the greatest of ease…to a “man” stating what women should do…

    sometimes, I just don’t think I can take it anymore!

    • PCL Says:

      Well said Texas. I think it’s hysterical, and lame and desperate, but mostly hysterical.

      Sure you can take it, just don’t take it too seriously–or it will age you. Embrace the humor of it all, it’ll keep ya young! It’s the only way to take both politics and life. (French philosophy 101) 😉

  9. Michelle Says:


  10. Michelle Says:

    I want to abort redplanet…

  11. Michelle Says:

    lol PCL

    I gotcha…

    I cry through the laugher…hahahhahahahahhahahah

    yes, hysterical…its all so fucking hilarious!

    • Louis IX KingofFrawnce Says:

      a designer for fiorrucci once said that people claim to be conservative, but that they just have bad taste.

    • PCL Says:

      It is part of my secret plan to turn all Americans into Américains Français! LOL! And then, on to Socialism!!! And we’ll all be so damn happy–and healthier too! And our politicians will be scared shitless of us, because as everyone knows, nobody knows how to revolt better than the French!

      Now what was this thread about again? Oh yeah, Red Planet’s attempt at humor. Some people should just learn their limitations–isn’t the word limitations big with the Right Wingers? They can’t even get that right. So why are they called Right then?

      I’m so confused. Blood sugar is too low–must have food.

  12. Michelle Says:

    lol, PCL

    have some cake, sweetheart…

  13. PCL Says:

    Sean Hannity is on board with my plan for Socialism:

  14. Michelle Says:

    did ya see, Sean’s story about the Liberty Tree?

    Colbert says it best…

  15. Michelle Says:


    I didn’t see your post, until after I sent mine…hahahah

  16. Michelle Says:

    the post that is the link…lol

    Im just giddy today…and Ive gone totally blonde….

  17. RyboSlybo Says:

    In my mind President Obama is more of a Captain Kirk than a Spock. I mean Kirk had a sense of Humor which Obamy for sure does as well. Although Kirk’s choice of pie is leagues ahead of Obamy’s in my humble opinion! Predator Anyone?



  18. Michelle Says:

    pass that thing, Rybo…

    fuckin’ bogart!

  19. Cool Garden Decor » Blog Archive » Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State Says:

    […] See the original post here:  Trekkies! Set Phasers On Retard! Target: Planet Red State […]

  20. bryan Says:

    This piece does not undermine the heart of Redstate’s criticism. Pointing out the historical pedigree of the screenings does little more than suggest that all presidents are elitist (should one be so inclined to spin it that way) and that Obama is renewing an archaic and elitist practice, because he is–wait for it–elitist. Showing pictures of Reagan watching a movie just makes it obvious how whiz-bang white and harmless that dude appears in photos. It’s like a goddamn metamucil commercial. And I bet Reagan was watching a “man’s man” kind of movie, like a John Wayne western, not some space nerd, fancy-term-throwin’ blech.

    Unfortunately the blog doesn’t “lie” about it either: the post never states that this was the FIRST time a president has so acted. Redstate seized upon a convention that is very amenable to being recast in a highly politicized light, and they took the opportunity to do so.

    Basically you don’t contest that, but it’s easily contestable: requiring the president to see a movie with the “people” involves a massive disruption into the lives of the “people” unless one wants the president to drop his security detail (which would be batshit loco). The only other alternative would be set up a Potemkin Village public showing for Obama to attend any damn time he wants to see a movie. Should we actually cater to Redstate’s ideas, the choice is between a president with no ability to enjoy/react to/respond to popular cinema (one of the only cultural arenas our country jointly shares) or the costly phase-in of an utterly pointless program.

    Unless you unmask the true flaws of the article, what’s the use of heaping on the scorn, other than to further entrench a culture of name-calling? i recognize the absurdity of posting this comment on your blog, since you do comedy. just seemed rather condescending is all.

  21. Cube Says:

    Eat Me. Are you fucking insane? I disemboweled Red State.

    Pointing out that every stinking president has done this, when Red Planet fails to point that out you don’t find relevant? They sin by omission and comission.

    Go look up rule 401 in the Rules of Federal Evidence. There you will find the definition of “relevant.” Bud, your comment I will bottle up and use as an example of how fucking warped people are. Please. Your post is pure psycho-babble and does not address the point. You don’t think any President should watch films in the White House. How’s this. Run on that issue. It’s like E=MC2 thinking.

    Keep marching to the beat of another drum. Perhaps you did not read Red States article. Notice, they couldn’t respond to either my article or the one on AOL’s Daily Politics. You do not present any point. You are a contrarian. Your comment is laughable. How old are you? Any jury with this issue would laugh you out of court. This is why not even Red Planet could respond and neither can you.

    “Just because” I point to “historical” evidence? Read their article again that I shredded. You cannot admit to being a spinner. Difference: I’m not a schmuck. You are.

    You present absolutely no defense. No matter how manY paragraphs of drivel you write.

    That’s the biggest load of shit comment I’ve seen.

    hahahahahaha. Blow me. You couldn’t hold a candle to my analysis in the land of reason.

    You say a president not sitting with the masses is easily contestable. No shit. That’s why no president has done that. It is directly refuted in this article in that NO PRESIDENT HAS DONE IT! OF COURSE IS EASY TO DEFEAT AND WAS DONE SO HERE. What are you talking about? PRESIDENTS CAN’T GO TO THE FUCKING MOVIE THEATRES B/C THEY ARE PRESIDENTS! You sir, have an amazing grasp on the obvious.

    After you pick up your intestines, come back.

    You are right. This is a comedy blog. Name calling? Dude, they fucking lied.


    Now that I’m done with that…. I wish you warm regards. Thanks for visiting and do come back.

    You remind me of a law student. You are good at arguing in the alternative. What they hone in on in law school is the analysis whereas the conclusion is not as important. Here, you present an argument in the alternative not laced with profanity, which, you really should use.

    Your argument cannot, however, be taken seriously.

    You might like the Dershowitz lectures I have preserved in the articles on torture, or visit me on twitter. Maybe you recognize the name: “Rawls.”

    Lastly, Nixon watched “All The President’s Men.” Pre-release. Reagan, watched current movies, but preferred older ones. Go to the official White House site I link. The Birth Of A Nation was screened there.

    So, what’s your point? Do you think Obama and all presidents should live in tents? Or, perhaps you will concede and be REASONABLE. Like that guy… the reasonably prudent person. The intent of Red Planet was to lie. Look at the quoted portions. You know better. The omissions are blatant and the intent of the Red article is to paint him as some jerk for watching Trek. C’mon.

    I would gobble that nonsense up in a 30 second verdict with a jury.

    Write comedy here. Get out of the books!

    Again, maybe you missed part of Red Planet’s “analysis”

    ” Of course, it all makes one wonder how one of Star Trek’s titular characters might view Obama’s demands? One might imagine that the self-centered assumptions of privilege would not be looked upon as anything other than a gross example of the human failing of arrogance born of a too healthy dose of self-esteem.

    It’s all not very logical. No, not logical at all.”


    Here’s the material lie by way of comission:

    “With that in mind, what does one think when one reads Politico’s latest little report that reveals that President Barack Obama has called the Star Trek folks up asking for his own special, private screening of the franchise re-boot?”

    Nothing “special” about it. Also, they would be bound and tied in academia and crucified in honor court for lying about how Politico is used as a cite.

    But, you’re a total vagina, and won’t respond.

    Do me a favor. Don’t. See if you can write comedy and just chill. I don’t want Red State pushers here unless they can do fart jokes and relax. To call out Obama for watching a flick, without explaining the history of the theater, every president’s use of it, calling it “special” for a president when it is not, and the argument being intrinsically fallacious and absurd (see the “easy argument”), or your new “elitist” argument is garbage.

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