Liveblog Obama With An Aristocrat!

"Mmm, my fingers still taste like Michelle."

Tonight, to commemorate President Obama’s 100 days in office, I’ll be reading the poetic stylings of Gonzalo Cordova on his Liveblog at Comedy Central’s Indecision.  Big Daddy starts his teleprompted special at 8:00 EST.   I will be naked. UPDATE:  Yeah.  My folks stopped by, so I couldn’t really elucidate my thoughts on fingering Michelle Obama.  Humbly, I apologize.

The show will be on every major channel  but FOX.  They are broadcasting Lie To Me — a show about subliminal messages.  How fucking cool is FOX?

So, you might be looking at the above caption.   Thinking it rude or crass.  Don’t blame Gonzalo for speaking truth to power.   He and his team of scientists had to work plenty hard to decipher President Obams’s body language.  I mean, it’s The First Lady’s vagina.   Gonzalo’s skills will come in handy when Obama meets with Chavez.

This picture is my favorite memory of President Obama’s first 100 days.  What’s yours?

UPDATE PART DEUX!  I’ll be liveblogging here too.  Feel free to write one-liners as Barack does his thang.  I don’t care what your political persuasion is, just make it funny kids.  It reminds me of something…

7:56: Reports from White House insider claim Bo the dog will be on stage and making love to a unicorn under a rainbow.

7:58: Watching Chris Matthews on MSNC.  “Something connected” with the people.  Maybe it was jizz in my eye.  Crap.  Olbermann.  I thought he moved to FOX.

8:00: Obama enters.  Pig Flu!!!  I recommend the children be forced to live with pigs.  Barack is far too kind to children.  And pigs.  Cover your penis with a condom if you fuck a pig.  And, cover your mouth when you cough.

8:05: Barack’s not satisfied.  He will only be satisfied when he controls the universe with the mind control device you are reading right now.  Obey!  Consume!  Multiply!  Barack!

8:06: The President intends to cut programs.  One of them is the Grand Ol’ Party.

8:08: “Now’s not the time to panic?”  No way.  PANIC!  All Pigs Must Die!  Use bacon substitutes for Christ’s sake.  What are you?  Un-American?

8:10: PCL made it over to CC.  She stole my lines dammit!  Impeach PCL!  (From Tommy’s fan club)

8:14: “GM has a lot of good product.”  Yeah.  Like The Presidential Blow.

8:20: Obama on “torture” to sum up:  “I’m a pussy.”

8:22: Yes.  The “ticking clock” question.  His answer… doesn’t answer the core question to the question that was being asked in the form of a question by a guy who gets paid to ask questions.  Obama is one sly dog.  Albeit, a Muslim Dog in bed with the enemy.  Mistake or mass death march on humanity in the form of torture?  I think he ducked the question.  Like the dude who got shot in the face by Cheney should have done.

8:26 “Spectacular Bombings In Iraq?”  They were right.  Obama’s a bomb lovin’ terrorist.  I’m getting a PUMA card.  And a Birther card.  And a Muslim card.  Off with Bo The Dog’s Head!

8:28: Can you believe there is a reporter named “Chip” in 2009?  What a dork.  “Chip.”  Dude.  Change your name.  Are you kidding me?  “Chip?”  And, to top it off, a guy named “Chip” has street cred because Barack called on him.   You suck Barack.  But I love you.

8:30: “I don’t believe in crystal balls.”  Nor does Obama believe in the rights of men to allow their balls to consummate a marriage.

8:35: Abortion.  Yawn.  Dead babies rock.

8:37: You know why Barack is soft?  If he was a real President, he would have gone on at Nine opposite Lost and American Idol.

8:39: We have “problems?”  Nuh-uh.  This is the Land of Barack.  I for one am trouble free.  This honesty thing is a total fucking lie.

8:40: “Enchanted.”  It’s a word that starts with “E” big brains.

8:42: See!  The Republicans say I don’t know how to make fun of Barack.  I do.  It’s just more fun to make fun of the folks who like porking barnyard animals.

8:44: Everyone knows Carl Levin doesn’t count right?  He’s from Michigan.  Therefore, he must have had something to do with hiring Jeff Daniels to be the state’s spokesperson.  What an asshole.

8:48: Can you believe the nerve of this guy?  “He does too much.”  Sir.  We’re used to Crawford and nothing.  Chill out beatch!

8:50:   HURRY UP DUDE!  IDOL’S COMING ON!  GO ALLISON!

8:52: “Level the playing field.”  Translation:  Destroy the G.O.P.

8:53: The “State Secret Privilege.”  Obama states it’s too broad.  Except, he argued in court recently to expand it.   This makes sense to me.

8:54: Jonathan Weismann, you were given the last word.  That’s singular.  “Word.”  Douche.

8:57: Translation to Jonathan re: “Obama Running Auto Companies.”  “Eat shit and die John.  Why don’t you do it bitch?  I have a country to run.  Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to realign your wife’s transmission.  Ever hear of a Kenya Super Snake?”

8:59: “Good night.  Shut up.  I have a lot on my plate.  Walk a mile in my Kenyan sandals.”

Time to watch Idol.  And then Lost.  What did you think?  Leave your comments.  I thought he was excellent if you really read between the lines.  I like him getting tough at the end.  The “State Secrets Doctrine” was interesting in light of inconsistencies.

9:02: Again, if Obama had stones, he’d have gone against American Idol.  Go Allison!  You hot little minor you!

Tags: 100 Days, Comedy Central's Indecision, Fingering, Gonzalo Cordova, Iambic Pentameter, Michelle Obama's Vagina