From Comedy Central
Archive for May, 2009
Unusable Signal: The Big, Gay, Terrorist, Socialist, Racist, Gynecologist, Variety Show
May 30, 2009Sonia “The Socialist” Sotomayor
May 27, 2009
Exhibit "A"
Do you hunt down socialist varmints? I do.
It sure did smell pink when Barry Barack Hussein Sotero Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to The United States Supreme Joke yesterday. In case you didn’t know, “pink” smells bad. Real bad.
I knew she was a Commie. Or a Liberal. Or a Socialist. Something.
Just a brief verification from Google as illustrated in “Exhibit A” above proves Judge Sotomayor is nothing less than the, oh I don’t know, most evil, gay, Hispanic, liberal, socialist, spy ever! “Maria” was sent here to destroy humankind as we know it and turn the Constitution into her own personal manifesto. And such.
And now I present to you, “Exhibit B”: The smoking chimney, the big potato pancake, the head asparagus, and the straw that broke the Elephant Man’s throat — her Princeton yearbook photo and totally socialist caption! Of course, you can only see the wretched evidence of an attempt to overthrow the government after the jump…
The Policy on “Policy” — Gay Marriage And Sotomayor
May 26, 2009
Six People Who Do Not Make Policy
Before explaining why the Supreme Court Of California is ending the policy of gay marriages, Chief Justice George succinctly explains in a one-hundred and thirty-six page 6-1 majority opinion why the court is not making policy:
In addressing the issues now presented in the third chapter of this narrative, it is important at the outset to emphasize a number of significant points. First … our task in the present proceeding is not to determine whether the provision at issue is wise or sound as a matter of policy or whether we, as individuals, believe it should be a part of the California Constitution. Regardless of our views as individuals on this question of policy, we recognize as judges and as a court our responsibility to confine our consideration to a determination of the constitutional validity and legal effect of the measure in question. It bears emphasis in this regard that our role is limited to interpreting and applying the principles and rules embodied in the California Constitution, setting aside our own personal beliefs and values.
The conclusion Chief Justice George reaches, of course, clearly is not policy:
BREAKING: Obama To Nominate Judge Janice Rogers Brown
May 25, 2009
President Barack Obama is set to appoint Judge Janice Rogers Brown to The Supreme Court Of The United States after the vacancy left by Justice Souter. Judge Brown, a single mother and daughter of a sharecropper, worked her way all the way up to the Supreme Court Of California where she served from 1996 until 2003 as an Associate Justice. In 2005, Brown left The Supreme Court Of California and went to the United States Court Of Appeals D.C. Circuit to become an Associate Justice. While many scholars predicted women such as, Judge Diane Wood, Solicitor General Kagan, or Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, President Obama opts for a woman with experience in life and in law.
Judge Brown has written many scholarly decisions often butting heads with some of the more entrenched views of noted male conservatives like Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh (also of the D.C. Circuit). Brown sharply criticized Kavanaugh stating a legal decision of his, “create[s] constitutional problems where there are none.”
Brown grew up in Greensville, Alabama in the heart of the segregated South. As a child, she was forced to go to a segregated African-American school. Her family though refused to enter any business that segregated African-Americans and she learned at an early age to stand up for what she believes in. Certainly Mr. Obama had no worries putting a check mark in the “empathy” box for the 60 year-old contender. Although some liberals may have wanted a younger nominee, Brown seems to fit the bill.
As a single mother, Janice Rogers Brown worked her way through law school and also attained her L.L.M in recent years. Judge Brown is extremely vocal on women’s issues, freedom of religion, the role of government, and affirmative action. Senate leaders have previously articulated their support of Brown as early as 2003 and confirmation should be a breeze.
President Obama is expected to name Brown later in the week.
The Right Goes Back To The Future And Targets Unnamed Obama Nominations
May 23, 2009When the Right hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious shit.
Watch this! Watch this!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU! 88 MILES PER HOUR!!!
While right-wing groups attempt to wrinkle time and foil this triple-dimension alternative universe of communist justices from Hades, Marty and Doc are all over it at The ABA Journal: Law News Now:
Some conservative groups aren’t waiting for President Obama to announce his choice to fill the seat of retiring Justice David H. Souter. They are taking aim at three potential Supreme Court nominees in attack ads posted on YouTube. …
Supreme Court practitioner Thomas Goldstein, who created SCOTUSblog, told the Tribune that the Internet and blogs have helped distribute information about the possible nominees. “The downside is that there is an equal leveling effect in which totally idiotic wing nuts can go off—that’s true on both the far left and far right.” (emphasis added)
Wait a second! That lazy block quote is from “Law News Now.” How about, law news later? Such is the tripe of blowhard lawyers easily debunked when the right has attorney-bots designed by Stephen Hawking.
Information procured by time traveling conservatives explicitly state in the above video Judge “Wood ruled that peaceful abortion demonstrators should be punished under the same law that applies to mob bosses.”
What? Some really activist judge is a covert mob boss who wantonly throws abortions and fetal tissue at unsuspecting litigants? I sure do hope Doc or Marty can answer this question! I care not to hear some alta kaka rant about certain consequences the likes of which the Earth has never seen. I mean, what do we become? Assholes?
SCOTUSblog reports that Wood’s RICO ruling “was a judgment primarily about injunctive relief and the breadth of the racketeering statute, not on the right to provide an abortion or to protest.”
Well I never! Such is far too sober analysis from Marty and Doc over at the American Bar Association for me to take seriously. Simply, this “objective” legal punditry (the ABA is known for outrageous claims and sharp wit) has not yet proven to have set things in their proper order in the Cosmos. A hole exists in the space-time continuum.
Clearly, the Right has done their homework and has brought us the future. Now, if only they could go back in time to a moonlit manger in Kenya.
Unusable Signal Lineup!
May 22, 2009
This week we are very pleased to bring to you the world’s foremost expert on comedy and the economy — Mary Rosanne (Cecilia) Phillips-Sandy. Mary learned counting at an early age when she had to add all of her names and divide by 3.14 at her confirmation. Mary wrote for Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 and can be found at Mary’s Nut House. We’ll be discussing all things hysterical, political, and economical.
I will be tackling the issue of feminism with Mary. Being a huge fan of females, I am certain to fuck that part of the interview up. Basically, she’s brilliant and I’m scared of her. Generally, I operate from a viewpoint that women are smarter than men. This prevents trouble down the road.
Mary’s coverage of politics and the economy can be found at Comedy Central’s Indecision Library. She also plays the part of Not Nurse Ratched* at Mary’s Nut House.
11:00 PM (EST) Saturday on Blog Talk Radio.
*Check out the name of the boat. I’m weird.
Critical Thoughts On The Ramblings Of A Cliché
May 21, 2009
This is the only time throughout the history of civilization a dick couldn’t be more irrelevant.
Hot air.*
*It might be useful to note the video contains a guy shooting darts out of his ass at balloons by way of his gas. Perhaps I shouldn’t have included this explaation. But, when I think of Dick Cheney, this is a pretty good idea of what my brain is viewing. For me, farts and arrows (A Miltton Bradley Game) is an immediate connection to Dick Cheney. Others, well, you’re clearly not as bright as I am.
Homo Is The Nigger Of The World
May 21, 2009When Adam Lambert lost American Idol last night, I couldn’t help but think of John and this famous 1972 performance on The Dick Cavett Show. Before singing what is still today considered a controversial tune, Lennon explains what he meant when he wrote that song — women are still better than the gays.
Just read up on Brian Epstein and psychological projection. It’s a salacious rumor which means it probably is true.
I had a conversation with someone on “Unusable Signal” who did not see a parallel (without respect to Idol) between Jim Crow and the treatment of homosexuals today. Of course I agreed with him. The very definition of Jim Crow must encompass separate drinking fountains and the like. Short of that, the analogy holds no water and I cannot think of one recent example of basic rights being denied to gays.
I am certain a statistically significant number of people did not vote for Adam because of his sexual orientation causing him to lose. Local Fox coverage after the show did not mention this issue once. Not a word? The lack of discussion evinces fear of the real discussion.
A Change Is Gonna Come (UPDATE: Unless You’re A Fag)
May 20, 2009UPDATE: The queer guy lost. Satire a jinx. So is Queen.
Score one for haters of the gay, time-traveling, black dudes demographic. Don’t forget to cheer them on.
Related Post: “The American Idol Dude Is Gay? And From Iran? And A Terrorist?“
